My Mommyology

Learning from Motherhood.

November 8, 2012
by mymommyology
3 Comments

The Benefits of an Older Sibling

Jamie is 19.5 months and it still amazes me as to how much she already “knows”.  I’ve gotten a lot of comments lately from teachers and other adults, some who have just met her for the first time, as to how grown-up she seems to be.  Sometimes they mistake her to be an older child, but because of her petite-ness they end up confirming her age with me and are most often pleasantly surprised that she’s still so young.

I did a quick check at BabyCenter to see where Jamie is in terms of her developmental progress at 20 months.  It seems like developmentally she is on-track within the wide spectrum range, and maybe slightly ahead with several skills (I am trying to be conservative and modest at the same time!).  So I wonder what it is that adults and other moms see that make them call her a wise old soul.

More than the reading or the recognition of shapes and letters and colors (where, if she’s in her moods — she says everything is “purple”), it could just be how she acts in general.  She can speak in full sentences (although the words aren’t as clear, you can understand her intention) and she picks up on routines really fast.  For instance, she already knows when it’s time to line up for stamps at her Kindermusik class.  So even before the teacher announces it’s time for stamps and sits down to give them, she’s already following the teacher around, waiting for the line to start.  Then she automatically sticks out her hand and says thank you once the stamp is given and walks away to get her shoes.  She is very clear about our bedtime routine too, and tells me while I give her a bath:  “Take a bath; brush teeth, read a book, go to sleep!” 

She’s very straightforward and clear, there’s no second-guessing.  She’ll say, “Tired Mama. Sleep,”  or “Hungry Mama — eat strawberries please,” or, “Itchy Mama.  No scratching.  Mama will put medicine,” and she can pinpoint exactly where she needs the medicine applied.  She even comes up to me to tell me it’s time to “change pampie” (what we call her diaper) after she pees and poops!  I’m beginning to wonder if it’s time to potty-train her already..  Ahhh, but I don’t know if I’m ready yet for another round of that!

It’s also in the way she plays… she can talk to her stuffed animals and tell them bits of conversations and things that she did in school.  She’ll even sing some songs to them, particularly at night when the lights are off and she thinks we’re all asleep.  She also is okay to be left alone with toys with small parts because she won’t eat them.  In fact, she has such great fine motor skills that she handles the tiny pieces so well.  When I watch her play with the Strawberry Shortcake figurines (that say they are for ages 4 and up), it’s like she makes them talk to each other or go down the slide one after the other.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a 20-month old pretend play like Jamie does.

One can attribute this to many things:  genetics, the environment, her social exposure in school; and they do all play a factor.  But I honestly believe that a lot of the things Jamie knows now is because she’s constantly around Sam.  Sometimes I do think Jamie plays and talks and remembers things like a 4-year old can.  Sam is her idol — for lack of a better term — and she will parrot and copy and want everything Sam says, does and holds.  Jamie’s learning curve runs at a much faster rate because she is exposed both her age-appropriate activities as well as those which her Ate does.  I am lucky that she is a sponge and can absorb it all!

My Mommyology Following the Older Sibling

Always re-assuring to know my Jamie has my Sam to walk with her. 🙂

There are some things that I didn’t teach Jamie and was surprised to learn that she knew them already.  I realized that Sam must have taught her these things unconsciously (or, consciously — because Sam is a great big sister that way!).  Counting backwards from 10, or recognizing the planet Saturn (Sam’s favorite planet), and even the names of the different Disney Junior characters, Jamie knows them all.  In that respect, Sam makes my job easier to do because she’s there to help me do it too, and she may be even more effective at that!

It also helps that they get along (for the most part).  We still have our daily squabbles because one wants what the other has ALWAYS, but they are learning to deal with each other.  Taking turns and sharing is a hard lesson for Jamie to master but thankfully Sam is patient and understanding about the fact that her sister doesn’t understand it as well as she’d like yet.  This is where Coach Pia’s words of wisdom come in about “establishing a strong bond with your eldest child”, because it definitely makes parenting Jamie easier.  I’m not kidding… it really works!  I feel that Sam is secure about where she stands in my life that she is willing to help me and even step aside when Jamie needs a little bit more attention.

More and more, I am inclined to keep the girls together as much as I can for as long as I can.  It’s a little bit more difficult here in Manila (I admit)  because of the traffic, the girls’ schedules and growing (separate) social circles.  So for me, an integral part of their daily schedule is that they spend time together — whether it’s in structured play, or watching TV, or just being silly about whatever’s available.  And it doesn’t diminish their individuality at all it seems.  In some ways they couldn’t be more different, and it is interesting to watch those dynamics play out.  But I do think that they can feed off learning from each other’s strengths, as it also somehow shows them what their own strengths are as well.  Plus, I like thinking it also builds their bond with each other and makes them better friends in the future.  If this is a preview of their relationship in years to come, then I think I may just get a good night’s sleep after all! 🙂

 

October 24, 2012
by mymommyology
2 Comments

Diaper Dilemmas: The Medical Roller Coaster Continues

Wine anyone? 🙂

My Mommyology Wine at Work

Can I pour you a glass?

Yes, I am trying to calm my nerves.  We are yet again on another phase of this medical roller coaster ride and wine seems to be my only solution thus far!  Jamie has decided to add diarrhea to her list of Manila woes in a span of 2.5 months.  I heard that there was some gastrointestinal bug going around these days but that still doesn’t provide me — and her — any comfort (Incidentally Sam was down with fever last Monday and now has some form of the sniffles and a tooth ache, so that’s the other half of the coin I am dealing with, but I digress.).

Thankfully Jamie doesn’t have a fever and is still fairly herself apart from the frequent pooping.  I’m  just preventing her from getting dehydrated with a probiotic oral suspension and lots of water.  I have to be a little bit more alert though as last night I found her fast asleep with a soiled diaper.  I’ve gotten spoiled because she normally tells me when she poops, but I suppose with diarrhea it’s hard to wake up and do that.

What is beginning to surface though, much to my horror, is a diaper rash.  I personally abhor diaper rashes.  Of all the “easy” problems to treat for a toddler in diapers (easy being that you can see it and so you know what’s wrong), the rash tops the list.  You as the mother are helpless when it’s there, because they still do need to poop and pee on a regular basis, and even if you have the right ointments and creams (Desitin is my favorite!  I kid you not), it’s still very unpleasant for everyone in the house, especially the baby and the helpless mother who has to deal with it all, 24/7.  A diaper rash is hot, uncomfortable and often painful.  It’s best to avoid it as much as possible and as fast as possible.

My Mommyology Diaper rash

It’s highly likely (particularly with the humidity in this country) that babies and toddlers in diapers will experience every single one of these — in my opinion!

Johnson’s Baby’s Complete Care System talks about a 3-step process to help minimize and avoid the trouble-causing diaper rashes.  It’s fairly simple and probably already intuitive in most mothers — Wipe (clean and condition), Powder (dry) and Change.  Here are a few new insights I learned though (Yes, even after 10,000 diaper changes, there’s still much to learn!):

  • Cleaning with soap and water is not enough.  Okay we all know how true this statement is from countless of anti-soap commercials there are out there.  We all know that soap dries the skin because it strips it of moisture (nerdy past life talking!), but do we really think about this when we’re cleaning our children’s bums?  As far as we’re concerned — it has to be clean and bacteria-free!  And yet, if an adult’s skin is easily stripped of moisture from soap, what more a baby’s skin which is much more sensitive!!  So maybe that’s something that needs a little re-thinking…
  • Infant wipes soak in emollient-type watery or oily lotion is encouraged.  Personally I refuse to use dry tissue to pat dry or wipe off stuck poop from my girls’ bums because I know that the friction could irritate it further.  So I invest in good quality wipes — and I will say I absolutely love the Johnson’s Baby Wipes (the one in the pink container).  They smell good and are very soft too, so you know that it won’t irritate the bum.  Apparently I have recently learned that the wipes coat the bum like a non-irritating lotion as it cleans.  Cool!  NOTE:  There is a difference between the wipes with emollient and the wipes with mineral oil.  The latter is not recommended – so read the packaging ingredients carefully!
  • Powder is your ally to keep excess moisture out — and it’s safe to use!  I remember the precautions our pediatrician told us about with respect to the use of powder around infants, however to date one cannot find any conclusive studies that link powder exposure to infant’s respiratory health.  Johnson’s Baby is also considerate enough to specify that the loose powder should be put on mom’s hand, away from the baby and only then, wiped on the bottom area.  Apparently Johnson’s Baby Powders contain Zinc Oxide too, an anti-bacterial property that’s necessary for skin recovery (yes, I am a mommy nerd… so help us all).

I’d do anything to make sure that diaper rashes are avoided and don’t progress.  I can still remember the worst one Sam had and she was totally inconsolable for days.  I was inconsolable for days.  I wouldn’t want us all to have to go through that again, especially now that it seems the girls are very much more prone to all sorts of illnesses that send me for a loop (and for reaching for yet another glass of wine!!).

Hopefully with the right tools and the vigilant diaper changes, this is one problem we can avoid — in spite of Jamie’s current diarrhea troubles!

My Mommyology Johnson's Baby Complete Care System

Learn more at here.

Find out more about the Johnson’s Baby Complete Care System by visiting their Facebook page, and by watching the You Tube video here.

 

October 16, 2012
by mymommyology
8 Comments

(More) On the Progressive Approach to Discipline

Once upon a time, I talked about a discipline experiment I was trying out with Sam.

Now after another insightful and eye-opening New Beginnings Progressive Parenting talk with Coach Pia, I realized how much more I could have done — or could be doing with respect to this aspect of parenthood.  Kris of OC Mom in Manila talks about a good chunk of the learnings in her blog post (Progressive Tips on Disciplining Kids a must read!), but I also wanted to build on what she said.  I feel like I got so much from that session in particular.

It came at an opportune in time too.  I don’t know if it’s the age, the transition , the social influences or all of the above, but it feels like disciplining my kids has become more of a challenge these days.  I feel they continuously test and push their limits and see how far my patience will stretch. At the end of it all I just feel so run down, frustrated and defeated.  I admit I am guilty of many disciplining mistakes over the years and I think about it my poor children had to endure it all (Sam most especially).

Here are some of the things that struck me from the talk:

My Mommyology Talk at their level

Eye to eye contact can make all the difference (along with a calm but firm voice).

Get down to their level.  Have you called yourself a broken record?  I have many times — it’s like everything I say to do or not to do falls on deaf ears.  But one technique I learned is for  to kneel down and make direct eye contact with your toddler when talking to them. Note that the operative word is talking — not shouting or reprimanding or yelling.  Just — respectfully talking to another person. It’s so simple and yet so effective.  If I were to put myself in Sam’s shoes, why would I listen to someone who is loud and who’s words are just flying over my head?  Instead if someone made eye contact with me to tell me something , I’d definitely listen.  And there would be no shouting, and at best, broken records.  It made sense (and it really works)!

Separate yourself from the rule.  It’s important for both parents to remember that the rule is there for the benefit of the child.  If the child understands why the rule is in place (and it’s not just because Mom or Dad said so), then it is highly likely that they will comply.

I try so so very hard not to say, “because I said so”, and instead, say things like, “too much candy will give you a tummy ache and it is bad for your teeth”, or “it’s important to finish your food so you have energy and are strong and healthy, and won’t get sick.”  In this way both parents can use the rule — if mom enforced it, dad won’t have a hard time instilling it.  It’s the rule of the house; everyone follows because it’s good for them.

Be open to negotiation.  Somehow being able to negotiate with the parent still gives the toddler control over their situation.  I’ve found that if I agree to Sam’s “extra 5 minute” TV time negotiation when she asks for it, she readily complies right after.

Don’t stick them in a situation where you set them up for “failure”.  This one stuck to me when I was reading through a conversation Coach Pia was having with another mom.  Kids will be kids, and they will definitely misbehave.  Not because they want to embarrass you or have any sort of malicious intent against you, (As OC Mom says, it’s not personal), but because they are overwhelmed with a specific feeling that they don’t know how to express properly.  It could be too much to expect them to sit through a two-hour formal dinner for instance, without banging on the table or talking loud gibberish.  Or, taking them to a wake and expecting them to sit still and behave is a tall order.  If you already know that you may end up losing your temper at something they could do, then it’s best to avoid the situation altogether.  Don’t find another reason to reprimand them.

Earlier tonight we took the girls out with us for dinner and while waiting for the food, Sam was sticking her chopsticks in the glass of water in front of her, and Jamie was banging her spoon and bowl on the table.  Now the “old me” would have gone straight to reprimanding them for making a mess and the whole evening would be stressful and tense.  But then I remembered and thought to myself — it’s unfair to keep telling them, “don’t do this or that…” when I’ve already brought them to a place that’s so limiting child-wise.  So I stayed calm and just asked Sam to be careful that she didn’t spill the water all over herself.  She responded positively because she didn’t want to get wet anyway.  She just wanted to make water marks on the table.  Quite harmless.  And, she ate her food without a fuss.

Jamie on the other hand, broke the spoon she was holding.  She looked at me with this “uh-oh” face and again, I didn’t scold.  She looked like she knew what went wrong (Again, OC Mom talks about natural consequences).   Yes, it was partly my fault for letting her hold the spoon but again, it was the allowable limit to taking them with us.  I just told her there was no more spoon that she could play with something else less breakable, and she did.

When they are tired, sleepy, hungry, overwhelmed… all bets are off.  The wrong time to teach a child is when all is not right in her world.  It’s just like an adult:  the worst time to give him criticism is at the end of a very long day.  You kick them when they’re already down.  A child can’t process what’s going on and will just react to the overwhelming unexplainable feeling, and thus a tantrum erupts.  Coach Pia’s advice is to help them calm down and give them what they need first.

Process our parenting mistakes.  I try all these methods and slip and fail still.  It’s hard and frustrating (especially on days when I’m not right in the head as well!).  If I say something wrong or do something I shouldn’t have, then I sit the girls down and apologize.  I don’t know if they understand everything, but I think the mere fact that I say, “Mommy shouldn’t have done that”, “I was wrong” and “I’m sorry” shows them I’m human.  It too sets the example that they should say sorry when they don’t follow or listen or (unintentionally) hurt your feelings.

My Mommyology Fill your Child with Love

I love it when my girls hug me like this.

Err on side of filling your child with love above all else.  Coach Pia says that showing your child you love them takes precedence over enforcing the rule.  It’s not about spoiling them silly or letting them get away with murder.  Rather it’s more of finding the right teaching moment when you’re sure your child feels loved by you.

I think we should clarify that the premise of the discipline “mistakes” of the past is that it wasn’t anyone’s fault; we just didn’t know any better.  Who did?  No one can blame a parent for doing what was done to them or what seemed “right”.  But I guess this is the point — getting this “new attitude” or this new approach towards parenting across, so that more are aware and can make the changes as they deem fit for their parenting styles.  Coach Pia says while the progressive method is harder, in the end it is more fulfilling.  By involving the child in the process you build a stronger connection with them.  With such a clear lasting benefit of the outcome, I feel it is definitely worth every effort!

***

To learn more about Progressive Parenting and the talks led by Coach Pia, visit the Facebook page or view the videos on their website.

October 12, 2012
by mymommyology
0 comments

Digital (Diaper) Baby Mementos

A few months ago, I decided to estimate the number of diapers I’d changed in the last four years.  I still remember the average number of diapers Sam would go through daily when she was a newborn, and then when she was a crawling infant, all the way up to when we started potty training, until finally the diapers were completely off.  And then I added in the number of diapers Jamie had gone through from birth to the present, minus a few pieces that were changed and done by other people (The doula, my husband, Sam’s teachers, and other helping hands).  To date I’d say I’d have changed a total of about 10,000 – at least!  That’s no exaggeration.

First I realized that even with the other helpful people, they were few and far between and really a lot of the diaper changing had fallen on me.  So much so that I sometimes surprise myself when I know the poop’s content, consistency and possible frequency even before it happens.  I’m sorry if that is too much potty information – but it’s true!  For instance, with Sam, I knew when she was getting over her cold and cough because I would “see” the mucus come out of her poop.  It’s a blackish green gooey color that is laced around the regular stool.  With Jamie, her poop gets runny if she’s on antibiotics, and will differ in smell and color.  It will also cause her to have a diaper rash because of the texture of the poop and the number of times she’ll need to go.

I apologize once again for all the potty talk – but really, isn’t that the normal day-to-day routine of any child, infant and toddler?  Isn’t that an integral part of a mother’s day as well?!

And so in light of all this pooping and diaper changing, I felt it apt that the girls star in their own video via the Johnson’s Baby’s Complete Diaper Care System First Video.  It is a Facebook application that allows you (us mothers) to customize the Johsnon’s Baby Complete Care System Ad into one that includes our children’s faces.  And why not right?  Every mother needs to know how to change a diaper, so why not look at a peg that showcases your own little bundle of (pooping and peeing) joy?

My Mommyology JB First Video - Facebook

Start here and you’re ready to go!

The Facebook application is easy to use and the steps are self-explanatory.  Just be sure to have a few close-up photos and full-body photos of your baby at hand.  Oh yes — you also need one of the two of you in there as well.  First it will ask for your name as well as that of your child and his or her gender.  Then it will guide you to place 4 or 5 pictures one at a time (and you can zoom in and crop as you please).  Once that’s all done, the video will self-render and then it will be ready to play before your eyes.  It actually looks like your child has starred in his or her own Johnson’s Baby commercial (and don’t we all love Johnson’s Baby ads!).  Try it for yourself and see.  I’ve tried it several times for both girls, and it’s actually quite fun seeing your child’s face in a video.  Jamie sat on my lap asking to see herself again and again.  I don’t know if she understood that it was a pseudo-commercial, but she liked it just the same.

The video is also educational as it talks about the 3-step Complete Diaper Care System that Johnson’s Baby is promoting.  And it is very apt as well – since a lot of moms’ waking hours will be spent changing a diaper (trust me, I’ve changed 10,000 of them already!).

You can also save your video and create more of them so that they are included in the Johnson’s Baby First Video’s Gallery.  This way you can share it with friends, and probably even your baby when she or he is a bit older (It makes me wonder what else Facebook will be by that time!).  There are already a few videos up there, it could also be fun to see which of your mom friends and their children have posted some videos!

My Mommyology JB 1st Video Gallery

Do you know anyone? 🙂

Yes indeed, the options available to us these days in documenting our children’s first few years.  Who’d have thought it would include your baby’s face in self-made video that’s directly related to one of their many day-to-day functions?

***

Side note:  I remember being advised not to use powder on infants and children in the US as the AAP believes that it could cause breathing problems  if the small particles were to be inhaled.  However as you watch the video over and over again, you realize that there is a safe way to use the talc.  Mind you – powder can be one of your greatest allies against diaper rashes!  It is very effective in keeping moist areas such as the bum – dry!  The trick is to put some on your hand AWAY from the baby and then apply it smoothly onto the diaper area.  Of course you don’t want to put too much; but just enough to coat it so that it keeps the bum cool and dry and reduces the risk of diaper rash.

October 8, 2012
by mymommyology
3 Comments

The Medical Roller Coaster Ride

Okay, where do I begin?

It’s been about 50 days so far.  Yes of course I’m still counting.  And it has been nothing short of an endless roller coaster ride for me.  A huge part of it is because I haven’t had time to process my own thoughts and feelings since we hit the ground running in trying to get the girls adjusted.  I am still at it, no doubt.  In fact I wonder who’s having a harder time, me or them?

Sam seems fairly well-adjusted already despite our daily conversations of how she misses Elie and her other friends and teachers in Chapel Hill.  She still says she is sad we moved away, and can’t wait to visit again in two years (where she got that timeline, I’m not quite sure), but she is also happy being around her cousins and new friends.  I had a parent-teacher conference with Sam’s teacher last week at her new school and she tells me how well Sam has transitioned into the class.  Sam has even made a group of close friends already that she shares food with and spends most of her mornings with as well.  But then again, that has always been Sam’s personality.  She’ll hang back and be wary at first, but it won’t take too long for her to warm up and dive into her new environment.

As for Jamie –  she’s a different story.  Unlike her sister, she’s more cautious and timid about new and big changes.  In fact for the first 27 days (again I was counting), I felt like all I could hear was her crying, screeching and shrieking.  For as long as her body wasn’t touching mine, it was a meltdown.  You can imagine being stuck in traffic for at least 30 minutes having to listen to that the whole time.  I really thought I was going cuckoo.

My Mommyology Mom going nuts

Duets. Illustration by Giselle McMenamin. What she said.

That was partly why I agreed to the pre-school that would take her everyday.  I wasn’t ready for my little baby to go to school every morning and I felt so torn about the decision for a while.  But then I noticed that after a week in school, the crying and the shrieking stopped.  I suppose it did help put her into some sort of routine; and being with other kids and other adults who cared about her (not just being stuck to me) made her realize that it was okay to be away from me in this new and strange environment.

So I had thought we were all making progress and things were moving forward — until last Friday when I had to rush Jamie to the hospital.  She had a bad cough, had thrown up and then as she was falling asleep, she started shaking uncontrollably in my arms.  It was quite scary.  As it turned out, the sudden fever spike and labored breathing (lack of O2) were the initial signs of Aspiration Pneumonia.  I had images of months before when Sam had to be rushed because she turned blue in front of my face and I just kept thinking to myself:  WHY does this happen to my children when we’re in Manila?!  WHY.

My Mommyology baby hopsital

Oh. The horrors.

Jamie had to be confined over the weekend, and I had to witness my 18-month old baby get chest x-rays, an IV drip (for fluids and antibiotics), a suppository, and a skin graft test.  That was NOT FUN.  I also had to withhold giving her breastmilk for over 12 hours as a safety precaution.  You know how they say when you’re a mom you put on a brave face for your child?  It’s so hard to do when you’re dying inside to just scoop them up and make it all go away.

Of course at a certain point anyone Jamie would see in scrubs would make her cry and cling to me like a leech.  I hardly got any sleep because Jamie wanted to sleep on me (as her Pedia said, she looked like a baby chimp slung over my shoulder), and anything else would wake her up.  In the end the doctors and nurses classified her as a “good patient”:  she hardly complained, cried only for brief periods, and verbally thanked them all after each check or procedure.  We got sent home with instructions to nebulize and to give her antibiotics for a week – not an easy feat considering she is a master at spitting up unwanted viands.  But of course, that is the burden that falls on the mother, and no one else.

I’ve been watching her like a hawk for a week, praying she does not stop breathing in front of me, and I think now that the meds are all done I can relax a little.  The problem is, I feel we’re back at square one where she is yet again very attached to me, and all the work we’ve built up to the last 40+ days have vanished.  She’s gone back to school and the teachers say that once I leave she’s all smiles, but she is still very clingy otherwise.

The hospital trip affected Sam too — I spent two nights away from home and that has also made her a bit more needy.  It’s like she’s not as trusting as she used to be.  She goes to sleep at night on top of my body as if she wants to make sure I’m there, and she follows me around the house — even inside the bathroom.  Of course as the weather and pollution in this country would have it, now Sam is down with a runny nose and an ear infection, and for the first time ever she wakes up at night crying because her ear hurts (again I say:  WHY does this happen in Manila.  WHY?!).

My children’s medical problems have not yet come to a close, and I wonder how much more of this we’ll have to go through before they acclimatize completely.  Will we have to keep running back to the doctors (here where medicine is privatized and costs a fortune)?  I am thankful that we live near a hospital but at the same time I don’t want to have to visit it so often.  That’s one part of it – if I knew what to expect then maybe I could prepare myself better or deal with it better (and it doesn’t help to expect the worst when it comes to your kids’ health!). 

The other part of me is screaming for more trees, less pollution, better water, no dengue-carrying mosquitoes; how do we make that happen in this country?  I want my kids to grow in an environment that will not cause health problems, but I honestly don’t know where to begin.  And until such time when I find the answer (or the small parts of it, if at all), maybe I should just brace myself for this medical roller coaster ride to continue on it’s peaks and troughs.  I know we’ll survive it and come out stronger beings (physically and emotionally), but to have to go through it is not a walk in the park.  It’s not something  I wish any other mother would have to endure, especially if you’re like me – who never did like roller coasters much…

Whew!

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