My Mommyology

Learning from Motherhood.

May 11, 2011
by mymommyology
12 Comments

Tips on Surviving First Time Mommyhood Away from Home

This is dedicated to my La Vida Lanka cousin-in-law who is celebrating her 1st Momma’s Day this year! 🙂

I got my first blog request post! *gasp* (faint).  I am honored to be a part of your pregnant life, blog-post-requester.

My Mommyology Positive Pregnancy Test

How many of these did you take before believing it? heehee.

It is as the title of this post suggests.  Admittedly it is hard to be away from the comforts of family and home and things that we are used to.  Being pregnant is challenging enough, what more if you are pregnant in a new unfamiliar environment.

I collected tips from Filipina moms who have been down this road before and are happy to help other moms who are experiencing this now.  Here they are:

1.  Ask ask ask.  Don’t be shy, just ask what’s on your mind.  Other people may have heard it all before but you haven’t, and you need to hear it for yourself.  So get it all out of your pregnant belly, and ask as many people as many questions as you like.  Sometimes I’d ask two or three moms the same question and depending on their answers, would adjust what I’d do to suit my needs.

2.  Say YES to any help that is offered.  Especially during your first trimester when your hormones are more often than not in overdrive and giving you a hard time of things, it helps to have help.  It’s typical in our culture to immediately feel like you’re imposing on others, but you’d be surprised as to just how many people are happy to participate in your pregnancy — from bringing you food or running your errands.  So just accept it and say thank you! (And when people say, “if you need anything, you can ask me” – call them on it!)

3.  Find out and take advantage of the depth of free services you’re entitled to from different places.  It helps to research what benefits you and your husband are entitled to from work, the hospital, the insurance firms, the state / government, the pediatricians, etc.  Everything from 24-hour nurse hotlines, to postpartum massages and lactation consultations can be freely available to you.

My Mommyology Chapel Hill Mom's Club

Logo of Chapel Hill Carborro Mom's Club

4.  Stay connected. – That sounds like a mobile ad, I know.  Virtually, keep in touch with mommy and pregnant friends from home via Skype, chat, emails and phone calls.  It made me feel less far away from home, says one Mommy.  At the same time, it’s also important to find other moms or pregnant women you can comfortably talk to in your area.  Join a Mom’s Club or form one of your own.  Being there for each other physically, meeting up regularly around people who just GET YOU can make a world of difference.

5.  Let Go –  If it means you get to put your swollen ankles up, get an extra hour’s sleep, or get to veg and take a breath, then the dishes can wait another meal, or the laundry can pile up for just another day.  If you’re anything like me who likes things done a certain way and another mom I talked to, who does all of it at a certain time,  then it’s an essential lesson to learn — because when the baby is around none of it will happen the way you want it or how you want it!  So just let it be.  Or, go to point #6.

6.  Delegate to Hubby – While the chores may be split evenly (and as agreed in both your eyes), when the baby comes he will have to take on a lot more of what you were doing.  You can teach him now how you want it done, or agree that he gets to do it his way (I would go with the first route, but knowing my hubby he just did it his way and so I had to practice tip #5 all the time!).  They can definitely help with the baby, but unless they have the man-boob then most of the “work” is still on you.  And even when they say they’ll take the night shift every so often, trust me, they’re the first to fall asleep and the hardest to wake up! 😉

7.  Indulge every now and then – Having said #5 and #6, allow some time for yourself.  First of all, you need to take care of your needs (your pre-disposition while pregnant affects your baby’s disposition as well!).  Second of all, when the baby comes it will be a while before you can actually do something for yourself again.  So don’t feel guilty about getting a lot of “you” time.

8.  Find a care provider that speaks your language – That’s meant literally (because you don’t want them to deny you an epidural when you’re in fact asking for one!).  It’s also about finding someone you’re at ease with and feel comfortable with.  It’s not uncommon to shop around for a OB and a pediatrician before actually sticking with one.  At the same time, even while I was comfortable and absolutely happy with my midwives, I would still seek a 2nd opinion from my trusted OB back in Manila, only because she knew my history and could provide re-assurance that the advice was something I really needed or should avoid.

9.  Take it one day at a time – Pregnancy itself is overwhelming because of the many things you “need to know” before the baby comes.  Every mom wants to be prepared, and it’s good to read up, research and learn as much as you can.  But the truth is, a lot of it is instinctive.  You’ll know what’s right for you and your baby when the time comes.  So don’t succumb to the rush of anxious feelings you may experience.  I’ve been told countless times, you’re not the first one down that path.  No matter what, you will come out of it a great mom!

I had to save the best “tip” for last…

10.  If you can — get a yaya!  ‘Nuf said. 😉

Thank you to the Mommies who made valuable contributions to this post!  You know who you are. 🙂

If you have a Mommy concern or a topic you’d like us to discuss (or anything you’d like to share), please by all means, email me at mymommyology.2010@gmail.com and we’ll be happy to talk about it! 🙂

May 9, 2011
by mymommyology
11 Comments

The Story of the Playroom Chairs

The story to the Pottery Barn Anywhere Chairs (as I mentioned in a previous post), has in it an intrinsic lesson on how to deal with my husband in particular — as so wisely advised by my Mother-in-law (MiL).  Happy reading!

My Mommyology Money

Hold on Tight!

Let’s first set the stage and talk to you a bit about him.  For those of you familiar with my husband, you’d know that when it comes to spending,  (to put it nicely) it is one of his least favorite activities, no matter what it is you’re spending on.  Admittedly over the years that we’ve been together it has gotten better slowly, but it still doesn’t make the outlay of cash any easier. He will still scrutinize and analyze and have you (me) justify each and every purchase.  You can imagine his stress when Sam comes up to him with something she wants and says, “Daddy will pay for it.” 

Now in my defense, I am not that much of an impulsive shopper  and I also carefully consider what I spend on.   But once in a while, like any girl, I will find a nice thing or two I’d like to get (that is not exactly purely utilitarian but will serve its purpose), like the chairs.  They are pretty, useful, and of good quality I felt they would be a good investment.  Plus I fell in love with them.  I was given a budget anyway, and I figured that for as long as I didn’t exceed the amount, I could spend it in any which way I wanted.

I did my research too as part of my “justification”.  Four out of the four moms I talked to with chairs were highly satisfied and recommended I get a set.  So I thought I had sealed the deal.

Apparently I was wrong.  The budget was not released to me in full (again, typical hubby behavior) and all purchase plans were screened.  So immediately, upon seeing the brand and the price of the chairs on the website, he shot the idea down immediately.  They can sit on fluffy cushions from Wal-Mart, was his line of thought.  He checked them out, these cushions (They saw a couple in Target too if I’m not mistaken).  It’s a good thing MiL was beside him to casually dissuade him and convince him they weren’t going to be pretty.  So for a while we were left with no chairs/cushions in the playroom.

Now according to MiL, my husband inherits this trait from my Father-in-law.   The trick, she says, is to just not tell him.  When he sees it there he’ll like it and realize you were right all along.  By then there’s nothing more he can say or do.

My Mommyology Playroom Chairs

Really, how can you resist? 😉

In close cahoots with MiL, we waited for the opportunity for me to get the chairs.  Then Black Saturday came and Jamie and I had our date.  Luckily the slipcover designs I wanted were still available in-store, as it would have been more costly had I ordered everything online (my husband should be proud because I got one at a 20% discount since it was the store display!).  I also was referred to a store within Southpoint Mall which did name embroidery, making them all the more non-returnable.  I got this all done within the day.  Yes, the gods were on my side.

Keeping tabs with MiL as to their location, we made sure I got home first and was able to assemble and display the chairs where I’d envisioned them to be.  We were selling the idea of the chairs staying after all.

True enough when they got in, he saw the chairs as displayed and liked them (victory #1), no questions asked.  His alarm bells went off later on when he spied the Pottery Barn boxes collapsed in the garage.  Then the interrogation came.

“Oh.  Didn’t cost much”, I said without meeting his gaze and quickly left the room to avoid further interrogation.  I later added that my Mother-in-law blessed the purchase and funded it as well (victory #2).  Well there was also not much he could do after that because when Sam saw her chair with her name, she kept saying, “I love my chair mom! Wow!” (victory #3)

In the end I think he was partly amused that I had “help” in ensuring my project’s vision would come true on the exact day he was not around to physically stop me.  Of course, it was a scene all too familiar —  he had witnessed this countless times growing up in his own home, and now it was actually happening to him.  Nonetheless he let it go after a day and has since then fallen in love with the chairs, like MiL said he would.

 The Moral of the Story:  If you are the only male in the household, it’s best to just hand over the credit card and close your eyes.


Happy Mother’s Day to my MiL, and all the other MiL’s around the world, who help make their sons speechless. 🙂

May 8, 2011
by mymommyology
5 Comments

Happy Momma’s Day!

My Mommyology Mother's Day Greeting

Borrowed from http://www.sesamestreet.org

From the My Mommyology cast and crew here in Chapel Hill — Sam, Jamie, Elmo, Barney and all our other Mommyology friends, we wish all the moms a Super Duper Happy Momma’s Day!  We hope that in the past few months of our web existence, we have made our motherhood adventures entertaining as well as relevant.

PS – to all the children and Father’s watching the Pacquiao-Mosley fight today, please remember that while it is another event in Pinoy history, boxing is not considered a Mommy treat. 🙂

May 6, 2011
by mymommyology
14 Comments

The Playroom Project

Once upon a time we lived in a 2-bedroom apartment.  That arrangement was fine for a while, until we discovered that our family of three would soon have an additional member.  There was no place to put the crib, and our living room was already overrun by toys.

My Mommyology play area

You can't find the living room anywhere.

Daddy was always stepping on some trinket or block or doll that he may have previously put away but somehow would magically find itself on the floor again moments later.

No matter how neat or clean we tried to be (and believe me we tried!  Okay okay, to my husband’s credit — since I was too pregnant to do much of anything, HE tried ;)), just the amount of things out at any given time made the apartment feel messy all the time.

Jamie needed space for her things too, and we didn’t have room to add another drawer fixture in the apartment, lest we wanted to be considered for an episode of Hoarders Buried Alive.  Actually I think the last straw for my husband was when one day he opened his supposed “socks and undies” drawer to find that he only had half the space left.  The other half had to hold MY underwear.

“Hu-whaaaa. What happened to my drawer!” he cried out as if someone had violated his sacred drawer, looking at the paired and neatly folded color-coordinated pieces of intimate apparel that he just used to dump in a pile.  (Lesson #1: The last thing a man wants is someone arranging his underwear according to color.)

“Jamie did.” was all I had to say.

Thankfully a good deal on a 3-bedroom apartment (with a garage) in our compound came through.  The catch was — we had to move in and out in a span of three days.  And I had just given birth.

I was stressed.  And hormonal.  And stressed!  On top of packing and moving, and all the logistical nightmares that come with it, I had a toddler AND a newborn and a half-recovered me.  Oh my.

I tried to talk him out of it, or at least postpone the idea until Jamie was older (but admittedly the deal on the rent wouldn’t be as good).  Then he said the magic phrase that changed it all: “I’ll give you a budget to fix the girls’ playroom.” 

Yes — I can be bought.

A playroom!  For my girls! 🙂  My eyes lit up.  Of course everything else melted away into fantasizing and planning what it would look like.  I immediately emailed my cousin Bea of Two Tots for ideas, wishing as well it could be a Two-Tots decorated playroom.

In any case, the move happened.  Thankfully my mother-in-law and nephew were here to help get things organized and in their respective places.  Apparently, it is much easier to move from a small apartment to a bigger one too, so it was not as stressful as I had anticipated (in the few times I had moved it had always been from big to small).  Everyone knew that the playroom was my project so they basically “dumped” everything labeled GIRLS’ ROOM into the space and left me to deal with it in my own time.

My Mommyology playroom work-in-progress

Playroom work-in-progress.

In between pumping milk, changing diapers and shuttling Sam to and from her activities, I managed to lay down my vision for the playroom and made a list of things (with pegs) my husband could purchase.  Of course he thought that everything I wanted was overpriced and looked for the closest, cheapest alternatives he could find in Wal-Mart or Target.  I had to make do with whatever he brought home.  As it turned out, even if he gave me a budget he still controlled the cash flow (I blame the lack of sleep for fooling me to think otherwise.  After all, for those that know my husband, this is MY HUSBAND we’re talking about!)

I compartmentalized the room into sections, so that the girls would know where to find and return things.  At first I divided it into right-brain and left-brain activities, but somehow that didn’t work out and things got left in the middle.  Then I did it by age-appropriateness but again a lot of the toys overlapped and I ended up with a big chunk of miscellaneous.  I even compartmentalized according to the 5 Areas of Development for toddlers, but that didn’t work either.

In the end I went with:

  • An educational and entertainment section:  This is where the board, the TV and the puzzles, along with the musical instruments are located.  It is across the chairs and the stuff toys — only because they compliment each other;
  • A free-play section:  For bigger toys such as blocks, beach toys, shopping carts and the like could be placed without obstruction;
  • A library / pretend-play section:  Because we only had one shelf, the books and the pretend play items had to go together; and
  • An inside the cabinet section:  We installed a shelf for DVDs and art things the kids would need supervision with.  The shelf had to go inside because I wanted the furniture to be all white, and the cheapest he found was brown.  So that was the compromise.

Now I’m no interior designer,  but I am quite pleased with the way it all worked out.  What do you think? 🙂

My Mommyology Playroom

Ta-dah!

A special shout-out of thanks goes to:

  • Two Tots for our wall decals and decorative quilt which set the tone of the playroom; and
  • My Mother-in-Law who secretly funded the purchase of the Pottery Barn Anywhere Chairs.  The full story of that is coming soon!

May 3, 2011
by mymommyology
0 comments

Rambling Thoughts Set Off by the Recent bin Laden Killing

My Mommyology bin Laden's death

Yes it is historical news... but why don't I feel "good"?

The Daily Babble today had an article on Osama Bin Laden’s death and whether or not the world is safer for our children with him gone.  Interestingly enough I had a similar thought bubble in my head the other night when we caught the news.  I realized that I may one day have to talk about this with my girls since it will most likely be a part of their World History lesson.  So I watched the ABC news videos .

While I’m sure bin Laden’s death is a victory in it’s own right, I would tend to agree with the article in saying that the world is not necessarily a safer place.  That is a scary thought as much as it is a sad one.

The fact that people are celebrating that he was killed too makes me uneasy.  Killed!  Yes I know he did horrible unforgivable things, and I did watch the two towers crumble ten years ago — but do you really publicly celebrate that someone was shot in the head?! (and another bullet in the chest.  He resisted, but was reportedly unarmed too.  His wife was shot in the leg, and five other people were killed in the raid, so says the news).  What do I tell my Sam when she looks through the history books and sees these while at the same time learning that the 6th commandment is Thou Shall Not Kill?  That he killed first, so he deserve it?  Am I teaching her that revenge is okay (occasionally)?

On another note, the bin Laden story joins the list of current events in Jamie’s baby book, along with the  Japanese Tsunami and the Nuclear Crisis,  the tornado disasters, and the Royal Wedding.  During Sam’s time it was the Global Financial Crisis. Seventy-five percent of what we will talk about 20 years from now when they inherit their books will be tragic or depressing, and quite far from the rose-colored painted world they’re brought into as kids.

That should say something about the state the world is in now.  So as parents, what do you say when they ask you why such people like bin Laden exist?  Or why people are too greedy that it costs others their jobs?  What do you say when what you’ve taught them to be morally sound and true is far from the realities that they face on a daily basis?

It is scary to think that I’ll have discussions like this with them in the not-so-distant future.

Sigh.  It would be so much easier if they could just watch Barney forever.

%d bloggers like this:
Skip to toolbar