My Mommyology

Learning from Motherhood.

Tips on Surviving First Time Mommyhood Away from Home

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This is dedicated to my La Vida Lanka cousin-in-law who is celebrating her 1st Momma’s Day this year! 🙂

I got my first blog request post! *gasp* (faint).  I am honored to be a part of your pregnant life, blog-post-requester.

My Mommyology Positive Pregnancy Test

How many of these did you take before believing it? heehee.

It is as the title of this post suggests.  Admittedly it is hard to be away from the comforts of family and home and things that we are used to.  Being pregnant is challenging enough, what more if you are pregnant in a new unfamiliar environment.

I collected tips from Filipina moms who have been down this road before and are happy to help other moms who are experiencing this now.  Here they are:

1.  Ask ask ask.  Don’t be shy, just ask what’s on your mind.  Other people may have heard it all before but you haven’t, and you need to hear it for yourself.  So get it all out of your pregnant belly, and ask as many people as many questions as you like.  Sometimes I’d ask two or three moms the same question and depending on their answers, would adjust what I’d do to suit my needs.

2.  Say YES to any help that is offered.  Especially during your first trimester when your hormones are more often than not in overdrive and giving you a hard time of things, it helps to have help.  It’s typical in our culture to immediately feel like you’re imposing on others, but you’d be surprised as to just how many people are happy to participate in your pregnancy — from bringing you food or running your errands.  So just accept it and say thank you! (And when people say, “if you need anything, you can ask me” – call them on it!)

3.  Find out and take advantage of the depth of free services you’re entitled to from different places.  It helps to research what benefits you and your husband are entitled to from work, the hospital, the insurance firms, the state / government, the pediatricians, etc.  Everything from 24-hour nurse hotlines, to postpartum massages and lactation consultations can be freely available to you.

My Mommyology Chapel Hill Mom's Club

Logo of Chapel Hill Carborro Mom's Club

4.  Stay connected. – That sounds like a mobile ad, I know.  Virtually, keep in touch with mommy and pregnant friends from home via Skype, chat, emails and phone calls.  It made me feel less far away from home, says one Mommy.  At the same time, it’s also important to find other moms or pregnant women you can comfortably talk to in your area.  Join a Mom’s Club or form one of your own.  Being there for each other physically, meeting up regularly around people who just GET YOU can make a world of difference.

5.  Let Go –  If it means you get to put your swollen ankles up, get an extra hour’s sleep, or get to veg and take a breath, then the dishes can wait another meal, or the laundry can pile up for just another day.  If you’re anything like me who likes things done a certain way and another mom I talked to, who does all of it at a certain time,  then it’s an essential lesson to learn — because when the baby is around none of it will happen the way you want it or how you want it!  So just let it be.  Or, go to point #6.

6.  Delegate to Hubby – While the chores may be split evenly (and as agreed in both your eyes), when the baby comes he will have to take on a lot more of what you were doing.  You can teach him now how you want it done, or agree that he gets to do it his way (I would go with the first route, but knowing my hubby he just did it his way and so I had to practice tip #5 all the time!).  They can definitely help with the baby, but unless they have the man-boob then most of the “work” is still on you.  And even when they say they’ll take the night shift every so often, trust me, they’re the first to fall asleep and the hardest to wake up! 😉

7.  Indulge every now and then – Having said #5 and #6, allow some time for yourself.  First of all, you need to take care of your needs (your pre-disposition while pregnant affects your baby’s disposition as well!).  Second of all, when the baby comes it will be a while before you can actually do something for yourself again.  So don’t feel guilty about getting a lot of “you” time.

8.  Find a care provider that speaks your language – That’s meant literally (because you don’t want them to deny you an epidural when you’re in fact asking for one!).  It’s also about finding someone you’re at ease with and feel comfortable with.  It’s not uncommon to shop around for a OB and a pediatrician before actually sticking with one.  At the same time, even while I was comfortable and absolutely happy with my midwives, I would still seek a 2nd opinion from my trusted OB back in Manila, only because she knew my history and could provide re-assurance that the advice was something I really needed or should avoid.

9.  Take it one day at a time – Pregnancy itself is overwhelming because of the many things you “need to know” before the baby comes.  Every mom wants to be prepared, and it’s good to read up, research and learn as much as you can.  But the truth is, a lot of it is instinctive.  You’ll know what’s right for you and your baby when the time comes.  So don’t succumb to the rush of anxious feelings you may experience.  I’ve been told countless times, you’re not the first one down that path.  No matter what, you will come out of it a great mom!

I had to save the best “tip” for last…

10.  If you can — get a yaya!  ‘Nuf said. 😉

Thank you to the Mommies who made valuable contributions to this post!  You know who you are. 🙂

If you have a Mommy concern or a topic you’d like us to discuss (or anything you’d like to share), please by all means, email me at mymommyology.2010@gmail.com and we’ll be happy to talk about it! 🙂

Author: mymommyology

I am the mom that I am because of my two wonderful little girls. They teach me everyday.

12 Comments

  1. Yaaaay!!!! Thanks sooo much Jen and all the other mommy’s who contributed to this post 🙂

    Super helpful! Also puts a lot of things into perspective 🙂

  2. Holy cow, you are cousins! I think I see mymommyology a lot on ocmominmanila! How cool is this? Gosh this list is also super helpful for me! I’m definitely bookmarking it! I get so scared at the thought sometimes but knowing other moms out there who have done it outside the country reassures me that it can be done!

    Tala, I totally agree – get a yaya! My hubby doesn’t want to get one, because we already have a maid, but all my mommy friends here in Jakarta highly recommend it! =D

    • Hello Diplomatic wife! It is a small world. Yes, OCmom and I go back and forth and La Vida Lanka is my cousin-in-law! How do you know them both? And I love your new site by the way! You need to tell me how you did the tabs and the drop down menus etc!
      Are you now expecting your 1st?

  3. La Vida Lanka has been my best friend since 5th grade! And OC mom I met through my blog, i’ve been a follower since then! I’m not expecting yet but we were supposed to start trying beginning of the year… but life got in the way =P We are thinking of trying end of the year but it really depends if we are leaving June next year. It’s so hard to plan with only 3 years per country! But people like you and La Lanka assure me it can be done!

    As for the tabs and drop down menu… I am able to do it because of my theme. Which I got from http://www.elegantthemes.com/affiliates/idevaffiliate.php?id=8041_0_1_9. I am self-hosting though. But if you do decide to do so in the future I hope you will use the link above because I really am so happy with my theme that I affiliated with them! If you can find a theme on wordpress.com that supports the tabs and drop down menus then you will be in luck! The secret is really in the theme =) I don’t know how to do coding so it’s important to have as simple interface. Check out the link and you will totally drool! I know I did! =P

  4. Ah yes! I read about you in her blog. Cool – small world!
    Ya you know, just let it happen when it happens. I’ve learned things never go the way we plan it. We tried for over a year and when I stopped thinking about it, of course that’s when it happened. And then we moved here. And we were supposed to move back home last year but then I got pregnant again!
    Thanks for the tips on the site. It looks gorgeous so I can imagine you drooling! 🙂

  5. i took the test 4x. haha. but still had to take an ultrasound to believe it.

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