My Mommyology

Learning from Motherhood.

September 23, 2012
by mymommyology
0 comments

A Mother’s Love Like No Other

It’s the 8th consecutive day that I’ve been sick.  I’ve gone from just a plain, itchy scratchy throat to a slight fever with joint pains as I write this post.  I’ve used up what feels like 200 boxes of Kleenex, and my taste buds are shot.  I really can’t taste anything I eat.  I wish that I could just take a high dose cure-all pill and bury my head under the covers and sleep it off.  Of course I haven’t been able to do that for two living breathing reasons.

I do anything for my girls, no matter what condition my body is in.  I get up at 4 in the morning, after 2 hours of sleep and accompany Sam to the bathroom or have her eat noodles because she’s hungry.  I carry Jamie to sleep for hours on end when she can’t sleep straight lying down.  I bathe them even when I’m feeling sick because I’ve found the efficient routine that will make Jamie cry the least.  I am the only one they both will take their vitamins or medicine from.  I sleep in all kinds of positions just to make sure they’re both breathing and have enough cover.  I endure all kinds of poop explosions, drama, spit-ups, excuses, stubborn moments and tantrums.

Now I don’t mean to make myself out as a martyr because I know that the only reason as to why I go to the moon and back for them is because they’re my kids.  And I’m quite sure that if you’re a mom reading this, you’d probably feel the same way about the things that you’d do for your own child.  That’s how moms are built after all.  You — we, myself included — will go to any lengths to make sure our kids are safe, protected, happy, healthy and properly cared for.

In my sick state, I was zapping through the channels and I came across the latest Johnson’s Baby Ad (Side note:  Can I just say that Johnson’s Baby has always had a way at tugging at your heart.  I still remember their ad that said – Having a Baby Changes Everything.  So so true!).  This one had the one of the simplest messages I’ve ever seen, but again it rings true to the highest heavens.  In my case I couldn’t help but think that yes, no matter what or how I’m feeling, I’d throw myself under a bus if it meant protecting my kids.  It wouldn’t matter how trivial the problem was (like a bad haircut), or how life-changing (such as a future heartbreak)… I understand that it’s important to give all I can of me for them, and I would do that in a heartbeat.

My Mommyology Johnson's Baby TVC

If you haven’t seen it, watch it here. Get your tissues ready Moms!

Because really, there’s no other person that will give your child the complete kind of care that you would as their mother.  I see that too now that I’ve had to delegate some day-to-day tasks to other people who are trying to help us in this adjustment period.  While everyone cares for your child to their fullest capacity, there’s no one that will do things the way you (as their mom), will.  No one else will pick up the little nuances and the non-verbal cues that they send out; or will take the pains to research for the best solutions to their problems.  No other person will have the patience to see them through their sleepless teething nights, or will have the right words to say when they tell you about what’s bothering them, or will painstakingly answer the Why’s over and over again.  I’ve seen the look in my kids’ faces when other people help them with some of the things they know I used to do with them.  I feel that they can sense that while the task is accomplished, there’s something different about the process.  It’s not a bad thing… it’s just not mom — so it’s just not the same.

Now that both my girls are toddlers of course their needs are different from when they were first babies.  Nonetheless I still think back to those days (and  how they went by in a blip!).  I miss them, sort of, especially when I see this happy problem-free baby.  The ad is very nostalgic and triggers memories of when your kids when they were once that baby’s age.  I still look at pictures of Sam and Jamie when they weren’t able to walk or sit up, and I think:  Oh how simple the problems and challenges were then (Of course, I only know that now in retrospect, hahaha:))!

So much has changed in such a short span of time.  The life of a mom is filled with all sorts of ups and downs and loops and twists and turns…  We are changing as much as they are, and adapting to what it is they need (again another skill only you as their mother will have for them).  When I watch the girls sleep, I think to myself that there is still so much for me to learn and so much I still need to adapt to.  It feels overwhelming, especially on days when I am exhausted or just strung out, but somehow after there is a sense of calm because I know that I am equipped to do it.   The nice reminder that the Johnson’s Baby ad has given to me in these stuffy nose, back-aching days, is the fact that there really is no other love like that of a mother.

How does the Johnson’s Baby TVC make you feel?  I’d love to hear your thoughts!

***

For my friends that don’t read Filipino, here is a rough translation of the message of the ad. 

“There will come a time…when someone will break your heart.

You may feel sad… about a bad haircut.

That’s why while I can, I’ll make sure… that no harm will come your way”.

A Mother’s love is like no other.

September 17, 2012
by mymommyology
10 Comments

A New Beginning for Me (and My Mommyology)

The one thing I’m certain a mom anywhere in this world cannot live without is a support group.

I was glad to have found mine in Chapel Hill and I still miss them all to this day.  They have become great friends and co-moms and certainly treasured friends in a short span of time. The invited us to playgroups and parties and even just the regular moms brunch or dinner out (which we all needed every now and then).  They brought me food when I had given birth to Jamie, and offered to take Sam on days when I couldn’t be with her, and run errands on my behalf.  We talked about our kids and husbands and different lives and tried to keep each other sane.  They are and will always be, family away from home.  Thank God for the internet, the Scramble games and Skype!  (Hugs, You all know who you are!)

I am also incredibly lucky and fortunate for my support group here, and I cannot deny that it is one of the unquantifiable benefits of coming home.  As we go through this difficult transition and adjustment (It’s no secret that I’m having a hard time adjusting to our new life…), I am thankful every exhausted evening for the family and friends who are there to extend help in all kinds of shapes and forms everyday.  And of course, to the best friends who put up with the earfuls that they get from me whether they like it our not! (Again, you all know who you are!!).

And then there’s also the New Beginnings Community.  This is a group of mums that come together to learn how to be better parents.  Coach Pia Acevedo-Nazareno (author of the bestseller Born to Be a Hero) guides the group through the progressive parenting discussions and offers tools for everyone to help become more self-aware of how they (we) were parented, and what our parenting styles are.  She enables us to help find the best mix of parenting tactics that work for our respective families.  As OCMominmanila says in her blog, it’s not about venting to one another about each other’s problems, but rather, “it is a venue to raise our concerns that stress us out and affect the way we parent”.  It’s a process that we try to see each other through, because at the end of the day we all have one common goal:  to be better parents to our kids.

My Mommyology New Beginnings Community

My favorite quote thus far. Taken from the New Beginnings Facebook Page.

There have been four gatherings thus far and already I have learned so much.  Just this last weekend there was so much to take away — from understanding the behavioral differences in parenting to having house rules and finding the perfect teaching moment for your child (I could go on).  It’s all rooted what Coach Pia calls “filling the child’s emotional love tank”.  Again, that is easier said than done — because you need the right mindset and tools to carry it out.

I am a willing participant (I am after all a self-declared student of motherhood!).  It couldn’t have come at a better time in my life too, as I feel I need to re-learn how to be a mum to my girls in this new, somewhat more complicated, environment.

I feel rejuvenated after every session and there is something very concrete that I can use immediately.  For instance just this last weekend, Coach Pia stressed the importance of “getting down to your child’s level” – literally and figurative speaking – and show her you understand what she is feeling and what she is going through, most especially when it comes to disciplinary actions, tantrums and breakdowns.  I have tried it with both girls (and literally I find myself sprawled on the floor beside them to meet their gaze), and I feel that I can get through to them better.  I also feel more connected to them, and I think they can sense it too.  At the very least, I hope they see the effort.  It’s a hard process for sure, but well worth it in the end.

Any parent who is open to learning about progressive parenting and is humble enough to listen as to how best adapt it to their family is welcome to join the group  (They keywords in that statement being “open” and “humble”).  There’s a regular meet-up with Coach Pia, and there’s also the Facebook page for parents to follow and pick-up quips from the sessions.  Feel free to post your own questions and concerns, and we will forward them to Coach Pia to answer (with your permission of course).

Many people will easily default to the phrase, “We didn’t have that growing up and we turned out ok.”  But personally this doesn’t hold water in my book for so many reasons. Times have changed from before, and really if there is anything we’ve learned these days, it is the fact that there is no one right way to parent a child.  I feel that as the new generation of mums, we need to adapt to cope with the changing times to raise our kids in the best possible way.  After all, wouldn’t you want to be the best you can be for your child?

***

Thank you, FrisoMum for bringing the New Beginnings Community to Life.  Other favorite blog posts on the lessons we learned from Coach Pia are the following:

 The Corporate Housewife :Today’s New Beginning On Discipline

OCMominManila’s:  In-law Issues:  A New Beginning’s Support Group Hot Topic

 

September 11, 2012
by mymommyology
7 Comments

Adjustment Phase 1: School Choices

PREAMBLE

At (pretty much) the top of my list of concerns in moving back home was the choice of school for the girls (…Or schools, as it so happens.  I’ll get back to this later).   Even before we confirmed our return date, I’d already started inquiring amongst mom peers and I discovered a new trend:  Families were choosing between the Traditional Schools, Progressive Schools and Homeschooling, all viable options here in the Philippines.  I won’t get into the differences and pros and cons since several blogs and articles have already expounded on those (I’ll put the links instead at the end of the blog), but reading through them and talking to people about this decision has made my head spin.  Who’d have thought school choices for children would get so complicated?

Ultimately, every choice has its pros, and they all say you should choose what is best for your child (I suppose this is said so no parent feels forced to put their child in the tried and tested schools of the olden days?).  Nonetheless for a new parent like me, it didn’t make the choice any easier.

After my extensive questioning and “research”, and long nightly deliberations with my husband (You’d think we were trying a person as guilty or innocent with our process), here’s how we arrived at our decisions.

PART 1:   A School for Sam

We chose a traditional school for Sam — my very own Alma Mater.  It was the school I went to for 14 years (and where I made my life-long friends), and it’s also the school my mom and the other women in my family went to for most of their lives (Whenever I go I feel like I’m in the twilight zone as Sam’s teachers are my contemporaries).

Sam was actually doing great in the progressive preschool in Chapel Hill (as I think by default, all preschools in the states are progressive in nature), and was one of the youngest children in her classroom last year.  I thought about putting her in a progressive school here, but my husband thought otherwise.  He would rather she go to the tried and tested and recognized institutions (As a lot of the progressive schools are pioneers here still), whose curricula have been seen to work time and again.  Anyway, Sam is a fast learner and is very adaptable, so she would survive — and hopefully thrive —  in a traditional environment.  More than that, he was saying that after school, she’d work environment run by generations of students from traditional school settings, so it may be good for her if she were exposed to that early on.

All these points were very valid, but I think the ones that swayed me in favor of putting Sam here were:

1.  The fact that Sam was allowed to enter Kindergarten instead of Pre-K, even if her birthday missed the cut-off by a few days.  To me that meant that she was grouped with the older children just as she was in her Chapel Hill Montessori experience, and would still be challenged to learn.  My biggest worry was that she’d get bored because she already knew how to read, had advanced well in her Kumon and was also doing other enhancement activities in her Montessori school;

2.  My teacher-friends had validated my husband’s PoV, and said I had the personality to supplement her learning at home anyway.  Which meant that she could still get the “progressive”learning at home and still have the benefits of a traditional school setting; and

My Mommyology Mama Mary Medallion

The girls’ activity during Mother Mary’s birthday.

3.  I loved the fact that the school emphasizes and puts at the center of its education the Catholic faith.  Maybe it’s because I grew up in that kind of environment, but I do believe that having that as an integral part of their curriculum makes for a good foundation for moral values.  I don’t know if I am capable enough (or credible enough) to teach that to her solely at home (and if I’m being honest with myself that is not a risk I’m willing to take).

PART 2:  The Plan for Jamie

Going through all those deliberations, school visits and inquiries for Sam tired me out and I decided that Jamie would also just go to whatever school her sister was in (Poor second child!).  Most especially with the horrendous traffic situation, I now understood why parents send all their children to one school; drop off and pick-up of two children in two schools is an inefficient use of gasoline, and time.  I, the designated “school bus driver” would spend my entire morning in the car.

As it turns out — Jamie isn’t eligible even for the Pre-K level until June of 2014, as her birthday falls in March (much further from the school’s age limit cut-off dates).  My husband assumed that I could just homeschool her in the meantime.(she’s only 18 months old after all).  But!  I have recently discovered that I cannot survive home schooling, and it is not optimal for my stress levels and Jamie’s personality.  I tried to teach Sam at home with a set curriculum in place (and many say Sam’s personality is a lot like mine while Jamie’s is the opposite), and I tell you I died.

So, I went back into the school search.  I was initially looking for a program that would take her 2 or 3 times a week at most (as Sam also started out that way), but the 5 schools I liked (Yes, I found that many) didn’t have that option, or were already full for the year.

And after another long deliberation with my husband, we decided on enrolling her in a nearby recommended Play School for the remainder of this year, and then transferring her to a more traditional set-up when she’s older.

Why?  Because:

1.  The Montessori school that we liked is a little bit of a drive and starts much earlier than the school nearby.  Jamie has not gone a car ride without screaming her lungs out because of the traffic, so we both felt it would be detrimental to her to wake her up early and stick her in the car just to go to school for 2 hours, EVERYDAY;

2.  My only 2 day or 3 day option school is full for the morning session.  Their afternoon session runs into her nap time which is more sacred to me than her education at this point; and

My Mommyology Toddler Class

Learning about the color BLUE with the use of Blue’s Clues.

3.  When we did a trial class at this school, Jamie responded positively to the teachers and the curriculum.  She allowed herself to let go of my hand and sit with the other kids as they sang songs and did the school work.  She didn’t shy away even in the big circle time activities.  I also liked the fact that the class currently wasn’t full, which meant there were less students for Jamie to get used to.  She’d still get her dose of socialization and not be intimidated by having so many kids around her at one time.  I took it as a good sign.

IN CONCLUSION…

We have yet to see if things work out well for Jamie with this arrangement.  I have to admit I’m still very much torn about sending her to school everyday at so young an age.  I’m hoping it will help us both adjust better to this new environment.

As for Sam, she seems to be doing okay so far, but then again she is my brave little girl, and doesn’t really show much emotion until she’s ready to crack.  I hope that isn’t the case here though — as she has consistently been bringing home stars and hearts and smiley faces since she started.  The time schedule is really an adjustment because she wakes up and goes to bed much earlier than she ever did in Chapel Hill.

I am glad that she and Jamie are both home for lunch and we still have time together to play after naps in the afternoon.  I think I’d miss them too much otherwise.

Links to entries and posts I’ve read on the topic:

My Mom Friday:  A Closer Look at Progressive and Traditional School Settings

The Montessori Method

Mom Exchange:  Traditional vs Progressive Schools

Hapi Homeschooler

GMA Network:  Homeschooling Alternative…

September 6, 2012
by mymommyology
23 Comments

I Left My Heart in Chapel Hill

It’s been almost three weeks since we said goodbye to our Chapel Hill home.

I’ve been told that as time passes I would miss it less and less, but somehow as the days go by and as things settle down (We came straight into our new home and have been extremely busy putting it together ever since), I just find that I miss it more and more.  I’ve also been looking at some of the last pictures that we took as I haven’t been able to update my Facebook albums since we started packing, and it makes me quite nostalgic just thinking about it all.  The ones of our empty apartment get me the most I think.

My Mommyology Empty Home

Sniff.

As part of our coping and adjustment phase, Sam and I talk about the things we miss in Chapel Hill.  I’m surprised that she always initiates it and brings it up multiple times a day.    I suppose it is on her mind a lot.  She always starts with, “I’m sad because I miss ___ in Chapel Hill…” or “Mama, do you remember ____ in Chapel Hill?”.  They normally come when we’re in the car, or right before bed time.  It doesn’t make my adjustment any easier, but I figure it’s a good thing to openly talk about and acknowledge how we’re all feeling, in the hopes that it will make this life-transition much easier to cope with.

So here is a run down of some of the things we miss about our life in Chapel Hill:

(Side note:  I will not go into the people, since they know that we miss them beyond words… )

 1.  Clean, unpolluted air, and not-so-busy streets.  Not-so-busy is an understatement I would say.  It’s really a “country-mouse moves to the city” type of scenario.  We used to wake up to birds chirping or pecking at our glass window; and now the sounds of a motorcycle or a siren or a honk wake us in the morning.

And then, there is the traffic – a totally new concept to my girls.  Ohhhh, the TRAFFIC.  It is so bad that just this evening, Jamie threw up twice in a 70-min car ride.  We never made it to our destination.

Sam keeps saying that the roads are not bumpy in Chapel Hill (there are a ton of potholes here!) and that it’s not traffic in Chapel Hill.  Indeed, it is not and being able to get to and from any destination in a precise amount of time is something I miss every time I step into a car.

2.  Pedestrians having the right of way.  Strangely enough, before my Chapel Hill days this never bothered me so much.  Now I seem to notice it, especially because my girls and I try to be pedestrians ourselves in our city-community.  Cars don’t stop to let people cross!  And conversely, people just cross everywhere and at any time!  It’s a little crazy!  I have found myself stopping the car to let pedestrians cross here, but I just get honked at from the cars behind me.

3.  Playgrounds.  Sam asks to go to a playground everyday.  The ones we have here are not outdoor, or are not as sophisticated as the ones we would frequent around the Chapel Hill community.  So far in the last two weeks, we’ve gone to more malls and toy stores than playgrounds.  I guess I just miss the safe outdoor clean-air type of fun where the girls can  expend their energy.

My Mommyology Target

Always a happy place!

4.  Target, Harris Teeter, Whole Foods…  I did my first shopping trip last week in an old supermarket.  I felt so overwhelmed and so dizzy.  There were so many shoppers that our shopping carts kept running into people; so many promo ladies in every aisle pushing products in your face… I’d forgotten.  I really had (and in my previous life I would HIRE these promo ladies for my brands!  Good Lord what was I thinking?!).  I miss my easy grocery trips and outings to Target, where, even with the girls in tow, it was never as stressful.  I haven’t gone back, but I know that I need to very soon…

5.  Freebies.  Parking in Chapel Hill is free, and so are a lot of loyalty cards.  Again, I had forgotten.  I only realized this when I was at a coffee shop last weekend and the sales lady asked me if I wanted their loyalty swirl card.  Without looking up I said yes of course, sign me up, only to notice as I paid that there was a charge on my credit card.  I inquired and asked why it wasn’t free, and she smiled and pointed to this tent card to my left that I hadn’t noticed, as if to say, “next time, read what’s not within your line of sight!”

That’s another thing…

6.  Excellent Customer Service.  In Chapel Hill (and in the US in general), I know that you can return all sorts of items with no questions asked.  Here, last week — I purchased a pair of house slippers for Jamie, only to find that when I got home, the band at the back of her right foot was looser (or had been stretched more) than the one on the left, which made it hard for her to walk.  I went back the next day and asked if I could exchange it, and I was told to just sew the right band together so that I could make it tighter.  I was a little shocked and I asked if I could trade it for another pair.  The sales lady looked very reluctant, but finally agreed after I insisted 4 more times.  Then she also said I only had one chance at a return and that I couldn’t return the item anymore after.

7.  The DV-R.  Being able to record the shows and watch them repeatedly at any point in time.  Sam and Jamie definitely miss that. We catch a show randomly on TV (We’re not even familiar with the show times and schedule yet), and Sam says she wants to watch it again later, or tomorrow.  Oh dear.

8.  ONLINE SHOPPING!  I will speak more about this in the future (I promise to blog more often now) 😉  But yes, I miss sitting at my desk at any hour of the day, and having all my packages, necessities included – come land at my doorstep.  At least, I wouldn’t have to battle traffic that drives me nuts on a regular basis!

I know, I know… it will get easier as time passes and I just have to be patient.

Also, don’t get me wrong:  there are a lot of good things that make me happy to be back, and wonderful family and friends who are helping us cope with the adjustment (Thank God for them!) — and you will hear more about that in future posts for sure.

But in the meantime, I (we girls — Jamie is going through her own version of it too) am in this phase and I felt it important to acknowledge that.  It just only goes to show what a big part the last four years have been in my life.  I don’t think I’d be who I am today without it all.  And so I do think Chapel Hill — and all that comes with it — deserves a big chunk of my heart for all time.

August 17, 2012
by mymommyology
10 Comments

My Life in Boxes

I’m alive!!!!!  Hello blog-o-sphere!  By golly gosh… I have missed you (I have missed writing here…), it is beyond words!

It’s been over 6 weeks since I’ve last been able to put up a decent post, I know.  It’s gotten to that point where people have written and come up to me and asked me if I had let this blog go.  Let’s set the record straight right now:  I definitely have every intention to keep writing here!  My Mommyology if anything, is my own therapeutic outlet, and proof that I have given myself some precious, much-needed me time.  I suppose it goes without saying that I haven’t had a lot of that lately!  Haha.  All with good reason though, as I am about to go into that now.

It’s been hectic and busy, to say the least, as our little family is making a big, life-changing move.  We are packing up our things and moving out of Chapel Hill (Cue the tears!). 🙁

Ironically enough I haven’t even found the time to really sort out the 25 million different emotions that have been running through me on a daily basis.  Not to mention, a lot of my energy already goes to caring for the daily needs of the two girls, so I feel “spent” at the end of every day.  I think I’ve just been on autopilot mode, packing up things and putting them into boxes, selling off items and giving away stuff.  Apparently there is so much to do when you move a family to a different home!   I’m surprised that I didn’t accidentally pack myself into one of those boxes.  Or, maybe I have, I don’t know! 😉

My Mommyology moving boxes

As Dr. Seuss may have said, “boxes here, boxes there, boxes boxes everywhere!”

It’s overwhelming to say the least.  All of this is happening to someone like me, who isn’t very good at accepting big changes with open arms.  It takes a while for things to grow on me and I have to consciously make an effort to find the positive in the situation.  A lot of my apprehensions are from the fact that I’ve never been a mom outside of Chapel Hill, and I wouldn’t even know where to begin to change or adjust.  I’ve spent the last four years defining my version of motherhood to my girls, and yet it feels like I will need to start from scratch once more.  It’s one entire new experiment in itself!

I’ve never really moved homes much in the course of my life.  I moved out of my first home when I got married, but I could always go back to it whenever I wanted to, so I felt that didn’t count.  Then my husband and I moved into our first apartment, but it was also furnished and we knew that was a temporary set-up from the get-go, so I didn’t invest myself emotionally into it as well.  Then we came here to Chapel Hill, and I think I was overcome with excitement since it’s always been something I’ve wanted to do (try living out of my home country).  Within the 4 years we spent here, we moved apartments twice, but all within the same compound and everything else stayed the same.  So I am still grasping at straws for where to categorize this upcoming change.

Of course there is also that element of excitement as to what the future holds for us and how this will help shape it.  I try to hold on to my New Year’s resolution of just going with the flow and letting things play out.  It’s not very easy, but I suppose there is no other way around it.

A lot of the people who’ve done this before me have told me that if there is anything to expect, it’s really the fact that it will be an adjustment.  There’s nothing bad nor better about it, it will all just be different.  The term “trade-offs” comes into the conversation a lot, so it’s also just coming to terms with what you (me rather) are willing to forego and what changes you can live with.  Once you’re settled and adjusted it will all be fine, but it is just crossing over and getting to that point.  I know we’ll (We’ll me again really) eventually get there, but it’s the in between gray space that I’m worried about.

I suppose we will just have to wait and see how things play out.  I still do believe that everything in life happens for a reason.  I may not completely understand why it happens when it happens, but I hope and pray to be able to someday.  In the meantime, I will just take it one day or one moment — and one box — at a time!

***

What does this move mean for my blog?  After all — the essence of it is motherhood away from home in Chapel Hill.  Well — to be quite honest, I don’t have a concrete answer to that just yet.  I suppose it will just have to evolve along with me, and we’ll all just have to see how it plays out.  Will you tag along for the ride? 🙂

 

 

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