My Mommyology

July 1, 2013
by mymommyology
18 Comments

Merienda Moments with My Girls

Parenting in Manila is an adjustment for me. Here I’ve had to divide my time and attention over things other than the kids. Gone are the days when we spend 24/7 together and I see their every move and anticipate their every action or thought process. There’s nothing wrong with it per se, it’s just what I was used to; what the three of us were used to. Now we all have to re-adjust. I’m still dealing with the mom-guilt that comes with this new “way of life”, but I guess as it is with everything else, it’s a slow and sure process.

I feel it a lot when I finally get back to them at the end of a long day away. I find myself wondering where Sam came up with her new “theory” or new pretend game. I look at Jamie and think: when did she get taller? How could I have missed it? In the grand scheme of things, I may really not have missed anything significant (as I’m not got THAT long), but because I’m still not used to it, I do feel like really big chunks of their days slip past. And because of this feeling, I find myself trying to cram in as much as I can in the few moments that we get in the afternoon.

Our quality bonding usually begins around snack time (as we Pinoys fondly call it, merienda). Food is really a tool that Filipinos use to bond, it’s undeniable. It’s innate in our culture to get together and “catch up” over coffee, lunch, and dinner. Whatever meal form it may be, food gets people together.

As for my bonding time with the girls, it usually depends on their moods or the toys they’ve been playing with for the day. It takes some creativity to get the answers I’m looking for. Sometimes they like to play and I have to subtly insert my probing questions into our little games to unearth the day’s mystery. I’m direct with my questions, but I’m also specific. Things like, “Did you play with friend A or friend B?”, “Did you sing or did you dance?”, “Did you paint with the red paint or the yellow paint today?” I’ve learned to do this over time so it leads them to a specific answer, rather than leaving an open-ended question they need to think about. Sometimes, I’ve to use paint, crayons or play-doh, or some form of arts and crafts as a medium. Sometimes, it’s in the pretend play of reliving their day. Regardless though, there is always food involved (we multitask, what can I say?).

Noodles are a staple in our house! 🙂

If you leave the kind of food choice to my girls, 6 out of our 7 snack times, they’ll ask for noodles. Plain noodles, noodles with cheese, with pesto, with spaghetti sauce, with white sauce — we have it all. They just love noodles. Actually — we love noodles. I grew up eating it and choosing it regularly over a rice meal. I don’t know why, I suppose it was just the easiest to ask for and eat. Now I find the girls got used to it because it was — and still is for me — the easiest thing to prepare at any time of day.

Besides, noodles are fun to eat. They could be messy yes, but undeniably fun. Sam is learning to twirl her noodles and eat it “the Italian way“, so you can imagine the slips and catches she makes with her fork and mouth. Jamie’s noodles have always been cut up so she can scoop it up herself, but when all else fails, she has her hands to pick at the pieces. 🙂

A clip from the Del Monte Ad

If you’ve caught wind of the Del Monte #Spaghettiface campaign, it captures the fun bonding moments moms and kids have through the joy of eating noodles. They share a meal and stop the time, even just briefly. The #Spaghettiface symbolizes this wonderful moment in time that moms treasure for longer. It’s quite touching actually; can you relate?

Time flies so fast these days (particularly because we’re so busy!). In a blink the kids grow up and are no longer babies. To illustrate this point further, I recently attended a birthday party and reconnected with friends I’d first met about 8 or 9 years ago. Some of them have kids in college already, it was so surreal. I can’t imagine hitting that stage with the girls yet, but it feels like things are just moving at such a fast pace. I don’t think it will ever so down, but what can we do? Such is life. In the end, I hold on to the memories and the photos and videos I have that have captured these moments. And I try to slow things down during these “merienda bonding moments” when I actually get to talk to them and learn more about them.

Merienda Pack!

Trust Del Monte to put together the perfect merienda tool for this. They’ve cleverly developed a merienda pack that will comfortably feed four. It’s very affordable too, and quite easy to assemble. The noodles and sauce are pre-measured, and the sauce already has hotdog and cheese, suitable for the young palette. All you have to do is heat and mix together. It’s another thing you can do with your kids as a bonding activity (just be careful of the hot water and stove!).

Now with all of this in mind — In the hopes of helping you slow down time, even for just a little bit (at least for merienda) — here’s a little raffle for you! With the help and the generosity of Del Monte, two moms will take home some Del Monte spaghetti noodles and some ready made spaghetti sauce for a special merienda treat with their kids. The gift contains some arts and crafts that mom and kids can do together! 🙂
a Rafflecopter giveaway
a Rafflecopter giveaway

Here’s what (two of) you can win!

I remember hearing another mom say that as the kids get older, we take whatever moments we can get. I can totally understand that, which is why as early as now, I’m happy to hedge. 🙂

June 27, 2013
by mymommyology
2 Comments

It Was All of Two Minutes and Eleven Seconds

… and okay. A ten-second curtain call.

(I’ve been meaning to write about Sam’s ballet recital for the last two weeks, but if you read my second to the last post, you’ll see I’ve been quite preoccupied! Without further ado, here it is.)

The production. The one we didn’t expect to cost so much that we fell off our rockers… remember that one? It finally happened. And it was quite the experience! In all fairness my expectations were off from the get-go. I was coming from a very low-key previous ballet experience and no one told me otherwise. I didn’t think to ask either.

First of all, it’s a very serious ballet school. I’ve been sending Sam there for over seven months and I only realized days before the recital that they’re really one of the top programs in the country. They offer full year scholarships to less fortunate children; And these kids train and join contests internationally — and they win! So for such a school, it’s natural to put up a totally serious ballet recital production. But still, I’m a stubborn creature.

Sam’s age group was the youngest and they had one dance in one of three acts, so I really didn’t think much of it. I figured it would be very low-key, and since they’re young, theirs wouldn’t be too serious. So here I was taking it easy.

Then it hit me like a bus.

First, Sam insisted on every practice date that she get the maximum number of stamps, and that meant she had to be on time. Granted the unpredictable traffic situation of this country, we were constantly scrambling to get her there for that one precious extra stamp (you thought we were missing a flight).

Part of the school’s photo wall exhibit. 🙂

Then they added rehearsal schedules which lasted longer hours into the afternoon. When I was handed the schedule, I stopped in my tracks. I hadn’t planned for this. She and Jamie had other summer activities that culminated at about the same time. It took a great amount of maneuvering skills to work around this schedule, the traffic (!!), and the coordination, so that she could be at each extended dance rehearsal (on time for the stamps, don’t forget).

I really couldn’t imagine Sam dancing ballet for 3 hours each day, and one practice I asked and the teacher. She said it was actually 15 minutes of blocking and then a 90 minute break, before they did the entire run again. By this time, I’d made a couple of mom friends, and we agreed to take our girls out for pizza in their 90-min break. We didn’t expect not to be allowed, and the girls had to stay in their line formation for the entire 90 minutes. In Sam’s teacher’s defense, if she allowed one of her 100 students, she’d have to allow the others and they’d never get everyone back in time (but still, I’m a parent of one). And if Sam wanted to eat, she had to be fed there.

I felt it was too much to expect from my 4-yr old Sam and her friends, but I’d been told that’s how they’ve been doing it for the last few years. I could see Sam was quite intimidated too, and I’m sure she fed off my stress. When she’d see me in the waiting room, she’d beckon to me and ask me to stay and sit with her, so I found myself on the floor in her formation line, surrounded by other ballerinas with Sam snuggly on my lap eating her chicken nuggets. We were days away from the actual recital, and quitting is never an option (plus, we’d invested so much already!).

Then, the day-before rehearsal production came. The recital was slated to show in one of the country’s most respectable theatres. They were also dealing with about 200+ students, so they had to be quite strict about the entire procedure. The schedule was from 2-9pm, which involved a dry run and then a full costume run, inclusive of make-up and hairspray, and only one companion per child would be allowed to go in.

I had so many questions because I hadn’t prepared properly for this.

Make-up?! What make-up?! Sam’s never worn make-up. I don’t even own make-up for me! Thankfully, my friend and fellow SoMom Jenny came to the rescue with her child-friendly make-up.

Luna Star Rocks!

HAIRSPRAY?! I’ve never put chemicals on my child’s head. Yet all ballerinas have each strand tucked in its proper place. I had to look for the mildest hairspray I could find.

Companion? Apparently, each child is mandated to have a yaya backstage for security purposes. They’re not expecting the parents to be there since they’ll be watching in front. It never occurred to me to bring one of our yayas to practice, and I really don’t trust them alone with Sam, but I had to learn. Fast.

Parents weren’t allowed in the actual backstage area. At a certain point, we had to hand over our kids to the school’s staff and we’d only see them again after the run. I think I had worse separation anxiety than Sam, more so because I was worried about security. So many kids… mine is tiny and she can easily get lost. I don’t think I’d ever been so prayerful.

Where’s my daughter?!?! *panic*

Sam was just overwhelmed by being around so many people and her teacher told me she kept asking for me. My brave little girl though was able to hold it together. Her only complaint was she couldn’t see me in the audience (we weren’t allowed in the main theatre either since it was just the rehearsal). I had to address this with a trust answer.

Thankfully, I had mom friends who’d done this the previous years. They didn’t seem fazed by the entire process. They walked me and the other newbie moms through it and we all made it alive to the day of the actual recital. Even the potty scenarios got much easier since I knew what to expect. It’s also a good thing I didn’t bring Jamie (with the one-companion rule I had no choice but to leave her at home — another adjustment I had to learn — and learn fast). On the day itself, Jamie loved the performance though; her seat was front and center.

Sam did great. She was all smiles and she remembered each step to the beat. She didn’t look for me in the audience, but I was sure to meet her backstage right after and I scooped her up. In the end we (the battalion of a family that came to watch with us) all had bouquets for her. Sam was over the moon. Her teacher also told me what a great ballerina she is, and that is music to the ears of a parent who just put everything into this one little dance number.

I really am so proud of her.

Sam and I both made some new friends. Her classmates and their moms bonded over the experience and we now try to get together to play. And these moms — we think alike! We parent alike. I feel at home when I’m around them. Something to look forward to for ballet practice.

The whole experience was stressful for me, I won’t deny it. I realize in hindsight it was because I wasn’t prepared. But now I’ve had weeks to recover, it’s not as harrowing as it seems, if we’re to do it again. I’m fairly sure we will… Sam is already counting the days to her “next” recital that, at her age level, will also probably still last 2 minutes and 11 seconds.

***

The theatre was pretty strict about taking personal videos (another stress point), so we have to wait for our pre-ordered DVD copy to show clips of the performance (my husband still doesn’t know about this additional investment we made!).

June 24, 2013
by mymommyology
7 Comments

Becoming a #BetterMe

As many of you may have surmised from some of my past blog posts (or if you’ve spoken to me directly, you may have picked it up in the not-so-subtle comments and half-meant jokes I’ve made), I’m having quite the difficult time adjusting to life back in Manila. It’s been 10 months I know, but it’s still very much a roller coaster ride for me. I still think about life in Chapel Hill everyday. It’s not that one is better — or worse — than the other (well…;) ), it’s just that it’s very different for me on all fronts. I’m reassured by moms who’ve come from similar situations (READ: Uproot comfy life away and relocate back to crazy Manila with kids), that this is all normal. I just need to give it time.

A lot of credit goes to the SoMoms for making the time seem to pass more quickly. It feels easier when I’m with them as there is never a dull moment. None. They’ve become a constant in my weekly (daily!) routine and I’m so glad to have gotten to know them all so much better. There are no judgements; only respect and understanding for each one’s personal stories and struggles. And most importantly, we’re all fairly on the same page when it comes to the kind of moms we want to be to our kids, regardless if some are full-time working moms, mompreneurs, stay-at-home moms, work from home moms or a combination of all of the above.

The best part about it all is it’s genuinely fun. We enjoy all the things that a mom or a woman in our “age bracket” would (I use the term loosely. Maybe I should say lifestage?), like shopping and eating and hanging out with friends. We’re moms so we babble on and on about our kids on a regular basis. We’re all homemakers with one domestic issue or another and we can talk about it freely without apprehension. And everyone brings their own special talent or expertise to the table. It’s interesting to see the diverse points of views come together over each topic.

We do all agree: At the end of the day, all we really want to be are better people. Better moms, better co-workers, better mompreneurs, better wives. We strive to help each other become better. Which is why last week, as we welcomed the newest moms into the fold (including our very first SoDad Marc of Fatherland! — He is such a sport I swear, to be with moms who just yak the day away!), we launched as our group’s advocacy: #BetterMe. It really sums up what we stand for as individuals and as a collective group of mom bloggers. It speaks for itself.

Missing Jen of Attached at the Hip and Fleur of Mommy Fleur!

We had a brunch get-together at Wine Bar in 1771 El Pueblo (In large thanks to the 1771 Group of Companies!). The food was spectacular, that’s a given. The venue was actually a delightful surprise. It used to be the location of the former Sidebar, right above what used to be Chateau 1771 (Okay, I’ve just dated myself). Now the group has strategically converted the entire property into a Cafe 1771 for a more casual, family feel; a SideBar, which is really a strip and a bar at the side for the young, hip, working crowd; and finally the Wine Bar on the 2nd floor which caters a lot more to private events, meetings and group functions. You can rent out the whole area or just a part of it depending on your needs. Wine bar has this very modern but cozy feel as it is designed in bricks, old books and wine. And when there is wine, how can you go wrong? 🙂

Great ambiance, fantastic food! Can’t go wrong! 🙂

But I digress (How can I not – it’s Wine Bar!). 🙂 A part of the brunch was also getting to know all the members and the other hats that we all wear. A lot of us are mompreneurs with businesses that support our passions and own personal advocacies. Tin said that the products she distributes in her company Thurston Hatchett, Inc. are products that she’s tried and tested and loved on her own. Neva of Manila Baby Shop, said that they developed their bags according to the need state of their firstborn. So as he grew, the design and the styles grew along with him. Patty launched her Yellow Bird Shoes line (super comfy I swear!!!) because it’s always been her dream and passion to manufacture and sell comfy, well-designed and affordable shoes. There are more; the list goes on and so I will save it for another blog post.

It was a shopping-spree, I can tell you that much!

It’s very uplifting to be around the SoMoms. And for moments of time they help me see how good life can be here as well. It gives me something to look forward to when the roller coaster ride isn’t as fast or as bumpy. If it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a community to support a mother. I kid you not: this group really does that for me in its entirety. More and more I’m really honored to call them friends. They do inspire me to become the #BetterMe that I hope to be. 🙂

I hope the inspiration of becoming a #BetterMe carries through the blog posts, and works for you as well, in whichever shape or form you see fit. 🙂

June 18, 2013
by mymommyology
7 Comments

When The Kids Are Sick… Wait Three Days?!

My world stops when one (or both) of the girls are sick. Doesn’t yours? It seems like it’s all I have the energy for — watching them and making sure they get better, and don’t stop breathing.

This is what I look like (except she looks more poised). Photo from preschooler.thebump.com

I get incredibly paranoid when they get sick. It’s thanks to the two experiences we had in the last few years when we had to rush them to the hospital. Sam turned blue before my very eyes in December 2010 and lacked oxygen. Then just last September, we rushed Jamie in the wee hours because she apparently had pneumonia. In both instances, what started as a cough, a cold and a slight fever turned on its head. So now when the girls are sick, I can’t sleep in fear that I’ll miss something. That, and my mom’s voice in my head saying that convulsions from high fever are hereditary, particularly in children five and below. Gee.

And it’s not like the girls handle their viruses the same way either. Both present very different challenges that leave me exhausted.

About two weeks ago, Jamie had high fever and a very severe cough with phlegm. As all doctors around the world say, wait for three days before coming to us if the fever doesn’t break. Logically it makes sense (the body needs time to fight back), but it is quite an agonizing set of three days. Half of me was saying the fever is good, it’s an indication that her body is fighting back. But the other half was worried I was missing something.

Jamie threw up the first night and said to me, “Mommy I can’t breathe.” How she knew to tell me this at the age of two, I haven’t quite figured out but of course I didn’t question it since I was too busy getting things ready to run into the emergency room. I held my breath and my keys and saved us a trip to the ER first. As it turned out, she was just so congested, we had to sleep sitting up. For three nights. She’d spike a high fever at the most ungodly hour and I’d administer what I hoped was the right dosage of ibuprofen (or paracetamol). I managed to cool my heels and on the 3rd day of this circus, we headed to the pediatrician for antibiotics.

Jamie hated any kind of medicine particularly since we had to give her a lot of them over an extended period of time (seven days more AFTER the first three days of self-medication). Jamie is a good patient, but she is also incredibly clingy when she’s healing. She’d freak out if I had to shower (yes, I managed to shower!) and she had to sit on the opposite side of the curtain. There was just no reasoning with her; she felt bad and mom was all she wanted.

My husband was quite worried that by sleeping in the same room, Sam would catch the bug too. But ever since we’ve kept the girls in the same room (because at night they both look for me regardless and I could never shuttle back and forth between rooms fast enough), so I decided to keep the status quo.

I suppose it was a particularly persistent strain of a bacteria because ten days (or rather — nights) later, I’m nudged awake by Sam. She’s burning up and achy. The Baby Center symptom guide pointed to the Flu this time instead of Croup for Jamie (side note: this symptom guide is my best friend during the agonizing first three days), so that’s how we treated it for the first (agonizing) three days. And then the congestion hit and she couldn’t breathe. And the fever wouldn’t subside despite the paracetamol doses. So we found ourselves in the emergency room getting tested for dengue and UTI.

Sam was pretty vocal about what she was going through. Apart from her symptoms she was all-too willing to go see a doctor at 5AM (which is unusual for Sam). And she spoke to the doctors and nurses too and asked, “what are you going to do to me?” Sam was more adamant about which medicines to take and which to reject. Maybe it’s the age. It’s partly (definitely) the personality. I had to reason with her and give her facts about viruses and antibodies and infections. Thankfully, the sight of her blood in a test tube fascinated her. And urine in a cup made for interesting repeated conversations.

Sam lost her appetite and wouldn’t allow me to give her cool sponge baths to bring her temperature down, which was why (I think), tests showed she was severely dehydrated. The doctor suggested we hook her up to an IV, but in the end we agreed we’d try to rehydrate her at home for the next 24 hours. So here we are.

Between the two, I feel like I haven’t slept in weeks. Oh wait, that’s right: I haven’t slept in weeks. And I feel like I aged 10 years in each set of the three days I had to “wait” to see a doctor. There has to be some way to make this easier on us mothers.

I was asking myself which situation was more challenging: a younger sick and clingy child who didn’t understand half of what was going on, or an older, more opinionated and more dramatic one who had questions for everything. Maybe neither. It’s never easy when your child is sick, any which way you look at it. They are needy in their own ways.

What was comforting, was that the girls consciously gave way to their sick sibling. It was helpful particularly in those first three days when I was frantic and (the most) sleep-deprived. When Jamie was sick, Sam found ways to entertain herself. When Sam was down, my usual clingy Jamie stuck around but didn’t bring out the drama to get what she wanted. In fact, both girls wanted to help give medication or put their sister to sleep. And both would spontaneously say a prayer for the other to get better soon so that they could play. That was sweet.

So hopefully we are on the road to a full recovery, and there will be no more sick days, and no more trips to the emergency room. We’ve hit our quota for the next seven years or more. Maybe I can finally catch some shut-eye. Then again, my next problem is attending to all the backlog I’ve pushed aside. The world didn’t stop after all… so I must now play catch up. As if my initial list wasn’t long enough to begin with!

June 13, 2013
by mymommyology
4 Comments

Do You Trust Me?

It’s been ten months since our move back to Manila, but I still think about our time in Chapel Hill a lot. Everything still seems so fresh and vivid and clear. I will forever be eternally grateful for the experience because I don’t think I’d be the mom that I am today if it weren’t for those four years away.

I developed my first ideas about parenting there. I made my first set of mommy friends. I opened myself up and learned a lot from the midwives, doulas and doctors, and I use the knowledge they’ve imparted to me up to now. It’s nice because we’re all still in touch and I still continue to check in with them and ask for their opinions on certain questions I have. A whole lot of my formation as a new mom came from here. It’s what’s ingrained in me and I will carry this with me everywhere we go.

My Chapel Hill “village” (still lacks a lot of other faces). I miss them all so.

Of course I still maintain that my biggest, most constant set of teachers are my girls. My “parenting style” is forever changing and adjusting to their varying needs and personalities. There is no one set way to discipline or engage them both, precisely because they have different strengths and interests. While Sam likes to involve me in the decisions that she makes, Jamie is very direct and decisive with what she wants. Sam reasons out and negotiates in a logical manner, while Jamie “argues” on an emotional level.

Now that we live in Manila, there are still so many things that I have to learn and re-learn (the irony of it all!). The girls are learning too, but it isn’t an easy transition. How can it be when I suddenly have to divide my attention onto other things as well. And so the one thing – or better put, the one “value” — that I use to ground my relationship with my girls in as firmly as possible, is trust. I know that it’s a given: parents and children are supposed to trust each other, but I feel that sometimes it gets lost in the smaller, everyday things. And those add up. If I’m not consciously putting it at the forefront of all that I do with them, then it could slip through the cracks in the long-term. And so, I make a conscious effort to ensure that the girls trust me wholeheartedly, even when it comes to the smallest things.

Looks like a familiar image in the house…

I don’t hide things in their food and drink. Even if I know that it’s good for them, I tell them what it is and use other tactics to convince them to take it. I would rather have Jamie in a screaming fit, trying to get down necessary medication than hide it in her milk. I show Sam facts about vegetables that are good for her and convince her to take little bites at a time.

I make it a point to say goodbye when I leave without just disappearing from sight. I remember reading from a parenting book, that even if they cry, it helps them cope better with separation anxiety. I do think it has worked well in our case, because the girls can trust that I will come back. With Sam, it was especially helpful during her most recent ballet recital (the post on this is coming up soon — I’m still recovering from the experience), and she had to perform on a large stage. During the tech rehearsal the parents weren’t allowed to go into the theater and the audience area was dark. Sam, one of the younger dancers in a group of about 200 kids, would get swallowed up in tutus as they made their way down backstage. Her teacher told me she kept looking for me and wouldn’t perform because she couldn’t see me. It’s a good thing we had a chat, because I told her she had to trust me when I said I’d be watching her on the day itself, and that I’d be at the back to get her when she got out. Thankfully it worked and Sam was the “smili-est” ballerina in her group.

I answer questions honestly, even if it is an answer that they don’t want to hear. “Will the injection hurt mom?” Rather than trivializing it or distracting her from it, I say, “yes it will, but only for a while. And we’re only getting it because it’s good for you.” Sam cries at the thought but it helps her get over the pinch faster if I tell it to her straight.

Sometimes I really don’t have the answer. Existential questions or why certain things are the way they are — it’s quite hard to explain to a two-year old when she asks me why. Even to my four-year old Sam. And so sometimes I really just have to look at them and say, “Can you trust mama when I say we should just believe?” And often times they nod their heads yes. I think they do understand.

As much as possible I say what I mean and I keep my promises. And when I can’t follow through, I quickly apologize. Nothing gets past my kids and I can’t pretend it will. I’m actually glad since this is good practice for them in the years to come.

I’d like to believe that it’s this process that has helped the girls be more independent and self-assured. The fact that they can trust their mother, the one constant presence in their lives — day in and day out — makes a big difference with how they interact with the world. In school, both their teachers have told me stories of the girls being able to complete tasks independently, and having little difficulty saying goodbye (to me). They exhibit the demeanor of confident children, very capable of handling any experience that comes their way.

And the best part of it is, I’ve learned to trust them too. Sam uses it on me too when she wants to prove her point and says, “trust me mom!” I have a feeling I’ll be hearing a lot more of that in the coming years. Jamie will negotiate to get her way, but once that’s done then she shows me she knows what comes next. And it makes for easier transition periods with a lot less fuss.

This definitely is not the easiest way to get things done; and building a trusting relationship takes time, particularly with kids. Sometimes it’s just so tempting to “trick” them to make it easier (after all it was done to us many times growing up), and then I think: Trusting adults (who supposedly know better) is all they have. It’s got to be solid from the get-go. And it’s too big a consequence to risk. At least in my opinion.

Am I making things harder on myself? Maybe. For now. But if it means that my girls will have an undeniable amount of faith and trust in me, and eventually in others too, then it will all be worth it down the road.

***

Thank you Philips Avent for including me in your Trusted Moms Circle. I’m honored to be a part of such an esteemed group. I’ve been trusting the products since we were in Chapel Hill during Sam’s infancy days. We continue to do so until today, with Jamie’s spill-proof sippy cups.