My Mommyology

Learning from Motherhood.

February 17, 2011
by mymommyology
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Learnings on Sibling Integration: An Interview with Moms of Two’s

I learned of the term “Sibling Integration” from OCMom — as you can see we talk a lot and read each other’s blogs a lot — but it does fit my biggest concern with this upcoming pregnancy.  How will Sam adjust to life with a new baby?

My Mommyology Sibling Integration

The cover of the book, found on Amazon.com

I looked for books, and found one called Twice Blessed.  Quite honestly though I felt it to be a little bit on the negative side and not as helpful as I’d hoped (ergo, not worth buying).  There are some interesting facts and figures in the book, but nothing really breakthrough and inspiring.

What I did find helpful was talking to my friends who are already moms of two kids.  So I conducted a semi-formal interview with them and will share what I’ve learned here.  I promised them anonymity though, so we will code them as follows:

Mommy LA:  Filipina Mom of two boys about 2 years apart;

Mommy Virginia-Boston: Another Filipina Mom of two girls about 3 years apart;

Mommy New York: A friend with a 3-yr old boy and a 13-month old girl in our playgroup that moved here from the Big Apple; and

Mommy Meadowmont: Someone also I’ve been talking to sporadically since she just gave birth a couple of months ago.  Her kids are 18 months apart!

My Mommyology Sibling Integration

Tug-of-war or Sharing & Caring?

So without further ado, here are some of their insights on sibling integration:

1.  “Survival skills” for the younger one come faster. Mommy Virginia-Boston and Mommy Meadowmont say that the second baby has no choice but to be lugged around and dragged to all the activities of your firstborn.  So there is less room for scheduled naps, and baby #2 will really have to learn how to cope and adjust.  More often than not though, they do.  “They just learn and generally they’re okay with it“, Mommy New York says.

The message: don’t drive yourself crazy trying to keep two routines because — well, you’ll just drive yourself crazy.

There will be a time I’m told when the older sibling becomes more independent (stays in school longer), then a little bit of a routine for the second one starts to form, activities and all (And then you turn into a chauffeur mom.).

2.  Keep the older child’s sense of space as intact as possible. The last thing you want is for your older child to feel she’s been displaced.  I still don’t know how we’re going to do it without one child waking the other up if all four of us sleep in the same room like we plan to.  Well Mommy LA says they’re happier keeping everyone together instead of having to endure ferberizing as it didn’t work the first time.  Mommy Virginia-Boston though says it was easier to teach the 2nd one to sleep in her own room, while the first one she still allows in her bed because that’s what they were used to.  I guess it’s only over time when you find what works for you.

3.  “Our baby”, not just “Mom and Dad’s baby”. I feel this was the most insightful bit of them all (Thank you, Mommy Virginia-Boston).  I’ve heard about getting the older child involved, but I feel that this philosophy takes it to another level.  It’s like giving your eldest an actual say in what will happen to the newborn (Well, Sam did pick out Jamie’s name). Mommy Virginia-Boston was relating an anecdote about how protective her eldest is of her younger sister, and that when she tries to get one-on-one time as many books say to do, Her eldest complains about leaving the younger one behind.  She’d rather it be the three of them, instead of just the two of them.  I don’t know if age and gender play a role in this as older boy siblings I’m told may not be as “mothering” as older girl siblings, but it’s worth a try just the same.

4.  Expect more chaos and less rest. I love Mommy Meadowmont’s statement of “it’s horrific the first three weeks, but then after everything kind of falls into place“.  Okay.  So about three weeks of losing my mind — not bad.  It’s happened before.  Thank goodness we got a Doula.

5.  Try to go for independence early on. I was explaining my plan to Mommy Virginia-Boston of keeping baby #2 in a sling while I move around, but she was saying that it’s better if the baby learns to be as independent of you as soon as possible.

With respect to sleep training, in particular, (which might actually be most first parents’ loophole) new parents are more prone to carrying firstborns to sleep.  Anything to make them stop crying right?  But the second time around, since you’ve done it before and you know the consequences of your actions, then she says, you’re a little bit more persistent about putting her down when drowsy and letting her fall asleep in her crib.  You know that they’ll fuss a little, but it will eventually stop and they will eventually, fall asleep with less intervention from you.  Mommy Virginia-Boston relates,   “I felt guilty at first, because I noticed baby #2 wasn’t as “attached” (Filipino vernacular: Malambing) as the first one was, and I thought it might be because I didn’t hold her as much.  But then now that she’s one and she’s learning to hug and she sees her sister doing all these sweet things, she wants to do it too.”

6.  One parent is to one child. Mommy New York says she tries to leave one child with their father as much as possible.  It’s easier on both children if they know that they each have a parent to turn to when they both need it.  And besides, as a mom, you need some sort of a break too!

7.  Re-define your definition of “me time”.  Whereas before “me time” could really actually mean “you time”, I’m told with two kids, “me time” = ability to do chores in peace.  Mommy LA said as well, “I kept complaining that I didn’t have time with just one child.  But now when I just have one with me while the other one is in school, I feel like I can accomplish so much!”  So I suppose… it’s all just a matter of perspective!

Thank you to my moms of two’s who have somewhat helped prepare us for what’s ahead — even if in truth, there really is no proper way to such a thing!

February 14, 2011
by mymommyology
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The Little Boy Named Aden: A My Mommyology Valentine’s Tale

It’s Sam’s first Valentine’s!  Why not right about it while it’s all innocent and harmless, right?

Aden is a little boy in her class who comes from a very lovely family.  His mom and grandmother (they’re the ones I know because we catch each other during drop off and pick-up) are Italian, and they are absolutely wonderful and warm people.  Aden’s mom tells me they’ve been to Cebu (a province in the Philippines), since her husband does some business there.

Aden as the teachers joke, is quite the charmer — and when you look at him he has this cute, quiet demeanor about him too.  I heard he’s one of the huggers in the class, but I’ve never really seen it happen.  I’d never really catch Sam playing with Aden when I get to school either, but she know who he is (he also has an Elmo lunchbox which she always points out to me) and talks about him once in a while.

My Mommyology Sam's 1st Valentine's

Dad's got to prepare himself for more of this!

Anyway we haven’t really taught Sam about Valentine’s day, but today when I picked her up, she handed made the card they made in class.  Only this time, instead of hanging on to it like she normally does, she let go and took a little sheet of paper she had tucked inside it, and that’s what she held onto all the way home.  She kept repeating, “To Samantha from Aden,” over and over again,  which as I discovered later, was what was written on the card.

I’m pretty sure Aden handed out several of these to his other classmates (he had a box of chocolates for each of his teachers too), and Sam probably loved the idea that she got something with her name and Mickey Mouse on it, more than the actual Valentine’s meaning of it all.  But I did start to chuckle when she said, “To Samantha from Aden.  We’ll keep it to show Daddy.”

In my head, while I know this is all completely harmless, I had a bigger laugh thinking about, in a not so distant future,  little things like this will be the cause of Daddy’s increasing white, and probably falling, hair — for not just one little girl but two!

Dearest Dad, for someone who has been telling me for over eleven years that he doesn’t believe in Valentine’s… now might be a good time to re-think that statement. 🙂  Happy Valentine’s!

February 14, 2011
by mymommyology
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The Singing Toddler

Sam loves to sing.  It’s amazing as to how she can “memorize” a song after listening to it several times in a row.  In the car, she’ll hear one of her Kindermusik songs and have me play it back for the whole car ride.  Of course, by the time we get home, I’ve memorized the song(s) too.  They say repetition is good for them because it helps build cognitive development — I just don’t know if it means listening to a song ten times in a row and sounding like a cute broken record.

My Mommyology Baby Beluga

Mommy has to learn it now...

One night — or should I say, one “wee hour of the morning” to be more accurate — she sat up at 4AM.  She tried to wake both me and her Dad, and while I think we both woke up, we just pretended to stay asleep in the hopes that she would just eventually go back to sleep on her own.

Instead, she got several of her dolls and started singing all kinds of songs continuously for at least 45 minutes.  It was kind of cute too because it had different pitches and intonations and she carried the melodies quite well.  She went from Barney, to Elmo, to nursery rhymes, and to some songs she’d picked up in school.  I did all I could not to sit up and laugh or clap.

In the morning, I asked her about it (because there was a song I couldn’t make out), and she said, “Babeee Bah-woooga mom“, and then started singing it for me again, extending the ooohs and the aaahs where needed.  For the life of me I had no idea what a bah-woooga was, and I was trying to make out some of the words (you know how when you sing phrases fast, sometimes it garbles?  Imagine a toddler stumbling through them with only the last syllable clear) .  I thought I heard “deep bwoooo sea” somewhere in there though, and confirmed that the new song they were learning at school was called Baby Beluga (by Raffi).  Since I try to reinforce what she learns in school here at home, Sam has learned to expect me to sing the songs she sings at school.

So I looked up the lyrics, and here we are, playing it at least twenty times a day now.  SchoolTube – Baby Beluga Lyrics.  I too have it memorized in my head (complete with a visual of a beluga and a dolphin swimming in the sea).

Her teachers say she can sing the song in school better than they can, and they are quite impressed at how quickly she picks up a new song.  She sometimes just breaks into a tune, and will sing the whole song through and through, even while doing another project like painting.  Well, at least we know she’s got talent.  Who knows, it might be something that will work to my potential early retirement plan! 😉

February 11, 2011
by mymommyology
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Plastic Piles

I was featured! (There is a mutual admiration between myself and OCMom, I will not deny that, heehee!).  Do read more on the link below.

My O.C. Mommyologist Friend’s Plastic Piles.

My Mommyology OC Trophy

I'm so honored!

As it is the season Oscars and Golden Globes, and I feel like I’ve just won an award, let me go ahead and thank:

  • OCMom – for believing in my OC standards and abilities enough to make it onto your blog (and for my Aquasana Shower Filter!);
  • My Mother-in-law – for teaching me the triangular ways of plastic-folding;
  • Friends who have come and gone in this apartment – for always taking at least one bag when you go for whatever reason;
  • My husband – for always wanting to accumulate plastic bags such that I am constantly challenged and on my feet as to how to keep them in check;
  • Your Brand Story – just because; and
  • My daughters – who are a true source of inspiration.  The environment that I “save” is for you my dears! 😉

Get more OC Tips and Stories at www.ocmominmanila.com.

February 9, 2011
by mymommyology
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My Fish is also a Rabbit

One of my quirks is making time to read my horoscope from any available site.  I’m not superstitious enough to let what it says dictate how my day or my life will go.  I find it interesting to see how accurate the descriptions are, mostly just for fun.  Also I suppose, it helps me understand me better, as well as the personalities of the people around me (Yes, I sometimes check their horoscopes too).  There’s no harm in classifying them according to the cosmic astrological definitions after all, for as long as you accept them for who they are in your life, right?

My Mommyology Pisces Child

Let's see how true this is!

Anyway, so I checked the zodiac sign for my soon-to-be born daughter and it turns out, she will be a Piscean, born into a family that consists of an Aquarian (me) and two Sagittarians.  (Note:  all this news about the shifting of the zodiacs still confuses me, so let’s stick to the old school for now)

Here are some things that struck me about Pisceans, according to the Universal Psychic Guild:

  • She is extremely talented but will spend most of her life battling “confusing” conditions.
  • She has many vulnerable characteristics, but is considered to be “adaptable and resilient”.
  • At her purest she is a guiding light and a visionary, but when “out of tune”, she becomes depressed, obsessive and confused.

A mother’s thought bubble: Yes, definitely a girl.

My Mommyology Rabbit Daughter

It says, "Children born under the year of the rabbit will have a sweet disposition." I hope so!

At the same time, I also check how in-sync the Astrological signs are with the Chinese signs, (in the spirit of the recent Chinese New Year).  For some of my friends who aren’t familiar with this, while we aren’t Chinese, there is a strong cultural influence in the Philippines for Chinese traditions.

Each sign is also connected to an element — earth, fire, metal, water and wood — each element taking a turn with each sign every year (so I think if I learned anything in statistics, it takes about 60 years to go through all elements + Chinese zodiac signs).  For instance, my husband and I are both Fire Snakes (Although because I was born at the end of the calendar, they say that I am also part Earth Horse), and Sam is an Earth Rat.  Again a new element will be added into our mix, since 2011 is the year for the Metal Rabbit.

The following is a description I picked up in a Chinese horoscope site.

“Metal gives Rabbits a more resilient demeanor that the other more-quiet Rabbit.  Rabbits are very ambitious and can be quite crafty in dealing with others.  They throw themselves and their emotions into everything they do, making them intense lovers, but not outwardly affectionate lovers.  Their determination can affect their work as well, whether through personal relationships with colleagues or with the work itself, a Rabbit can be known to immerse himself in his projects, business and personal.”

The only thing that I didn’t like was that it says both Pisceans and Rabbits are light sleepers (oh no, not again).

So these are what the signs say to expect of my 2nd daughter.  How fun.  It’s a new take on “What to Expect” don’t you think?  I don’t know how much of it will be true, and it should be interesting, because they say Rabbits and Rats don’t get along — but I do hope that isn’t the case.  I would love for my daughters to be the best of friends.  Then again, only time will tell…. 🙂

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