My Mommyology

Learning from Motherhood.

March 24, 2011
by mymommyology
9 Comments

The 2008 Labor & Delivery Story

In an attempt to maintain a steady stream of posts while on “maternity leave”, I have written some tidbits in advance.  Here is one of them (written March 7, 2011).

There has to be a written account of my labor & delivery with Sam somewhere in time.  So here it is.

PREAMBLE

(There is a reason I tell this part).  A phrase in my lengthy birth plan read, “I believe I have a high pain threshold.  However when asked, I would like to seek alternative pain relievers prior to consenting to an epidural.”

My Mommyology Labor Story

Truth: Looking at this picture makes me squeamish.

When my husband read this, he took it to mean that I wanted to give birth naturally.  Truth be told, I am not, and never was, that brave.  I did want some medical help, however I was also more afraid of the thought that a needle would be stuck into my spine.  More so, some of my mommy batchmates who had just given birth a month before me at the same hospital, told me that the epidural didn’t work for them (one had to be pricked 4 times and it still didn’t work!).  In short, I had epidural nightmares.

Yet no matter how much I explained myself, he continued to “challenge” me into delivering normally.  I think he never believed I had a high tolerance for pain to begin with.

THE LABOR STORY

My Mommyology Turkey

Garfield looks like he's going into labor too.

Friday the 28th: It was the day after our first Thanksgiving meal with friends when I started feeling contractions.  I was anxious from the beginning that I wouldn’t know what to expect, but looking back, I obviously could not sleep that night.  I called the Midwife hotline at 2AM to say that my contractions were 5 minutes apart.  They said to wait it until it  progressed further.  In the meantime, I was advised to eat and drink and build my strength.

We sat it out at home until 3PM that day, when I said I felt I should get myself checked and that the pain was getting worse.  In my head I was thinking, 12 hours since it started, and they’re getting a little bit more intense, then this is it!  I CAN handle the pain!  So off to the hospital we went, and Kathy the midwife on call admitted us. 

Side story:  There are 6 Midwives in the practice, and I met all of them during my pre-natal visits EXCEPT Kathy.  So you can imagine my anxiety increase because she was the one person I didn’t get to know, and she was potentially delivering my baby that day!

Kathy checked me and in a minute’s time dismissed me saying, “Go home, you’re not yet dilated.  Come back when you’re in REAL Labor.” She said it and did it all so fast it was like my visit was a waste of time.  I on the other hand, already in the mindset that this was the most pain I’ve ever experienced in my life, felt insulted and totally bewildered.  HU-WAT?!  Go home?!  It’s not labor YET?!

Kathy then adds, “You’ll know when you’re in real labor, trust me.  Then you can come back.” She said it could be a day to a week before I’d even give birth.  At that point, I decided she was my least favorite Midwife.

To add insult to injury, my husband felt he had validated his theory on my pain threshold tolerance and started to joke, “no epidural… tsk tsk!”  I was too busy feeling disappointed I wasn’t giving birth yet to really notice or care.  I was bewildered that I was mistaken too but at the same time, was wallowing  in my own self-doubt:  am I really THAT weak?

In any case, we went home and had some chicken dinner, but I was getting uncomfortable.  It was 4 hours since our trip to the hospital, and I thought I should try and call again.  My husband kept discouraging me saying they’ll just send us home, it’s too early to go back.  I didn’t want to be sent back home a second time around so I took a breath and sat in a hot tub to try to relieve my pain.

Eventually no position in the tub was comfortable for me anymore.  So I asked to be massaged instead.  At this point my contractions were about 2-3 minutes apart.  I said we should go back, but again he discouraged me saying I should just sleep and we’ll try again tomorrow.  It was too soon since they sent us home, he said.

Finally a little past 10PM I got up and walked around because I couldn’t stay in one position any longer, and I decided to just call Kathy.  “I can’t sit still or lie still or think straight — so can we check?” She agreed and I woke up my sleeping driver to take me back.  He was still dragging his feet when Kathy said in surprise that I was already 6cm dilated.  “That was quick”, she said.  The groggy husband suddenly woke up surprised at the progress and I think — was at a loss for words.

I did ask for the epidural at that point and so they prepped me for it.  Once prepped, I wasn’t allowed to eat, drink or move around anymore, and I was basically strapped to the bed.  It took forever to get the IV in, too — that was tormenting because I had to “hold still” through contractions and all I could hear was, “Oops.  We need to try again.”  “Other vein.”  “Other arm.”  Until finally after about 3 tries and a new nurse, it was through.

My Mommyology Tick Tock Tick Tock

The hours felt like ages.

I waited for THREE HOURS before the anesthesiologist arrived.  Remember, this was Thanksgiving weekend and the middle of the night, so the hospital staff was on skeleton crew and apparently the only anesthesiologist they had was attending to someone else.

Needless to say, by the time he got there, I was tired of “holding still” for everyone since I couldn’t get up off the bed.  When they checked me again, the nurse said in an all-too bubbly voice, “Oh!  You’re 9cm dilated!  You don’t need the epidural anymore!“

I could not believe it.  I gave everyone in the room a horrific stare and said that I STILL wanted it because — well, you can’t strap me down and make me wait for three hours for nothing!  Plus, at that point, trying to “hold still” during  the worst pain I have ever felt in my life was physically exhausting.  How could I push after that?

Thankfully, once they stuck me with the needle all the pain disappeared.  It worked like a charm.

I pushed for about 2 hours before an entire battalion of nurses and doctors came through the door and I gave birth in front of what felt like an audience of 20 people.  The rest of course is history.

EPILOGUE

Kathy is now okay in my book.  I had suddenly become fond of her and her straightforward ways.  How can you not like someone who safely delivers your most prized treasure into this world?

And the husband — well… He was all too happy I didn’t tear his hair out like most of my friends said I would.  The most I did was bruise his arms from digging my fingers into them during each contraction.  Now he has no right to joke me about not having a high tolerance for pain, seeing what I went through!

The adventure continues when we find out what Labor & Delivery will be like this 2011! (coming soon!)

March 21, 2011
by mymommyology
6 Comments

Baby Doll Practice

My Mommyology Baby Doll

Practicing being an older sister ("Ate")

One of my best friends and Sam’s Ninangs (Godmothers) gave her a Baby Alive doll for Christmas last year, as well as all the baby toy gear — stroller, Pack ‘n Play, changing mat, and high chair.

It’s turned out to be a good toy because somehow Sam has taken to “caring” for Baby Doll (yes that is what we’ve named her.  Otherwise according to Sam, Baby Doll’s name would be Sam).  She loves the removable diaper and sits Baby Doll on her potty (I hope this makes for easier potty training in the near future).  She also puts Baby Doll in her stroller and takes her around the apartment, or puts her in a high chair and “share” her snack.  On occasion Baby Doll comes to bed with her.  Except of course, Sam holds Baby Doll by the hair or carries her upside down hanging on to the feet.

Several websites state that one of the ways to help prepare your older child for a new sibling is to give them a doll of their own.  They get to concretize the idea of a smaller being that needs care and attention, and it may just help minimize the feeling of jealousy when the actual baby comes along.

When Sam first saw Jamie at the hospital, she wasn’t expecting a baby.  I guess she was a little shocked to see a moving noise-making life sized “doll” in mommy’s arms.  But, she didn’t contest or complain about it.  For as long as she too got to sit with Mom, or to sit with Dad, when either of us were holding Jamie, she was fine.  She was even so happy as to tell Baby Jamie not to cry or to drink milk and to say hi even when Jamie would be asleep, so on.  Similarly with Baby Doll, when we would pretend Baby Doll “cries” because she fell down (well, in reality Sam would have thrown her on the floor), she’ll pick her up and give her to me and say, “What’s wrong Mommy?  It’s okay Baby Doll,” signaling that I should cuddle her or make her feel better.

There are times when I’d put Baby Doll on my lap, thinking we’re still playing pretend, and hug her and all of that.  Sam won’t yank her away, but will join the hug as well.  But there are also times when Sam would rather I put Baby Doll down and come play with her instead.

So is her behavior with Baby Doll an indication of what I should expect, based on the initial days Jamie has been home?  Does a Baby Doll really work in helping to explain the idea that there will be another entity in the home that will take up mom’s once coveted time and energy?  Is there really any good way to prepare your children for the arrival of a sibling?

Random thought:  What if, your first born was a boy?  Do you give them a Baby Doll too?

March 16, 2011
by mymommyology
10 Comments

Lessons on Labor: Words of Wisdom from the Midwives

I apologize if my posts are a little more erratic these days.  Actually as I write this, I am experiencing early labor, and my membranes have been stripped (I am 3cm dilated, 70% effaced, and my contractions are about 5-6 minutes apart).  Apologies again if that is too much information, although it was something I recently learned, so I thought it might be informational for some future pregnancies.

My Mommyology Midwives

Certified Nurse-Midwives or CNM. A strong group of women in my book.

We’ve just recently come back from my very last prenatal check-up with the Midwives of UNC Women’s Hospital. As I am trying to distract myself from the intermittent pain of the contractions (which I am told can still last a few days – Lord!), I figured it was appropriate to write a little bit about these women (seeing as how they are quite prominent characters in my life at the moment).

When I first came to Chapel Hill, I had a different perception of what a Midwife, or more appropriately called a Certified Nurse-Midwife (or CNM), does.  In Manila all mothers-to-be see an O.B. GYNE, and everything is done in the hospital.  Midwives are home care providers who take care of the mother after birth, some with little medical background.  They are not medical practicioners per se.

Here, a CNM works in the hospital and is basically capable of doing everything an OBGYNE does apart from caesarean births.  If you are assessed to have low risk pregnancies, they recommend that a CNM be your care provider.  They have their own set of nurses who assist them, but they are, for all intents and purposes, doctors as well.  There are some midwives in Chapel Hill who still practice home births and births outside the hospital, however they work in close coordination with the hospitals in the event an emergency occurs.  So it feels like a more flexible set-up.  And it’s worked well for us for both babies.

The midwives I see, they are one set of strong admirable women.  When I was first new to the system, I was skeptical about having to rotate through six of them through my entire pregnancy, but I’d have to say that all changed quickly once I started to meet them one by one.  They can be intimidating sometimes, because they don’t mince words or they don’t beat around the bush to soften the blow of what you might have to go through.  They tell you straight, but with as much sympathy and empathy as possible.  They dispel all sorts of pre-conceived notions and misconceptions which generally build up your anxiety.  The number of times they say it in a day may make you feel like they’re not listening to you specifically, but really they do.  They just won’t “baby” you, if you know what I mean.  The most I’ve gotten was a sympathetic pout or “Awww, I’m sorry you’re going through that honey, but“… type of response.  And you can never say they don’t know what they’re talking about, nor will you really ever feel that when you’re with them.

I’ve been thinking about some memorable quotable quotes I’ve heard from each of them over the past three years, and I wanted to share them with you here.  In case you are pregnant for the first time, then hopefully this will help ease the anxiety you’re feeling about going into labor (which is something unavoidable for all pregnancies). If it’s not, then maybe some of these items will be validated by what you’ve experienced yourself!

If you can still eat, sleep, think… breathe — then it’s not “real labor” yet. I didn’t know what this really meant until I was actually midway through active labor.  I have a post coming out in the near future about my labor with Sam, and how I was first sent home.  I didn’t want that to happen again with this pregnancy, so while I have been feeling constant contractions for several days now, we haven’t gone rushing to the hospital in a panic.  My gauge is the fact that I can still go about my day (albeit with a little bit of difficulty as the contractions intensify) and can still sleep through a few hours through the night.

Mind you, this is a hard one to determine, especially if it’s your first time because it’s mixed with anxiety and nervousness and excitement.

Eat and drink what you wouldn’t mind seeing later on. The midwives say that labor is more than a marathon, and so you have to prepare for it and build your stamina.  Eat and drink as you normally would — but also just know that it might come back out during the actual labor (and I have witnessed this firsthand three years ago, so now I am careful with what goes into me)!

My Mommyology Labor Contraction Chart

The labor marathon: quite hilly.

“Oh Honey.  You NEED to go through labor — you have to work for your baby!” I was telling Meg, the CNM on-call today, that I was hoping after Friday’s 2cm news, she’d say I was miraculously 7cm dilated and ready to pop.  She laughed and said all mothers hope that they can escape the worst of it.  In reality though, she says, we all have to work through labor.  It’s like our birthright as mothers (ouch!)!  The “reward” in the end is greater than anything you’d expect after all.

There’s nothing like an overdue baby to get you over the anxiety of labor pains. I may have mentioned this in a previous post, when you just get to a point where you just want to get it over with. Depending on how desperate you are, they say mothers try anything and everything they prescribe.

No one is pregnant forever. I am not one of those people who enjoy pregnancy and all the symptoms that come with it.  With both girls, I’ve had a tendency to carry past term, and that can really test one’s patience.  Apparently though, this statement is a constant reminder the CNMs make to a lot of their patients who are both anxious and excited, and go through long phases of early labor.  That’s hard to do too, particularly with this pregnancy since I’m so ready to just get through it and hold my baby!

It shouldn’t be long now, though, I hope.  Please stork!  Come soon!

My Mommyology Stork

We're on our way!


March 15, 2011
by mymommyology
9 Comments

The Sleep-Training Series (Part 2)

My Mommyology Pat on the Back

This is my EXACT smile.

As I ended so abruptly in the first part of this series, there has been progress.  To be honest I’m actually quite afraid to talk about it because it hasn’t been so consistent yet.  I never knew sleep training would come with a lot of ups and downs (and to think this is just sleep-training!  Don’t talk to me about potty training.  I’m not ready…).  Nonetheless progress is progress, right?  So let me give myself a shameless pat on the back.  Heck, I’ll give myself three —  Pat pat pat.

THE VISION

I had as my end-goal a bedtime routine that would allow me to close the lights, say goodnight, walk out the room and watch her fall asleep using our trusty monitor.

I never thought I’d get there, but on some nights, I have! (Pat pat pat again!)

Progress was slow at first — baby steps literally.  I managed to make it all the way to the floor of the bedroom door with a book reading by the bathroom light.  We got stuck there for months and at one point, I convinced myself that’s as far as we get.  For as long as I was in the room (bathroom, in the closet, under the table, whatever), she was okay with that.  I hoped that this out of sight presence would remind her that it was okay for her not to see me and she would fall asleep.  It wasn’t always the case.  Sometimes I’d find her standing outside the bathroom door waiting.  Sometimes, she’ll crawl to the edge of the bed every other minute to continuously check if I was still there.  On other nights, the delaying tactics would never end.

I was resigned to being stuck in the room for an hour every night, so I started formulating multitasking plans in my head — maybe I could pump milk quietly?  Or fold laundry?  Or keep Jamie outside with one hand while keeping myself inside?

MY GLIMMER OF HOPE

My Mommyology Sleep Training

It was so beautiful, I had to take a picture.

Then, one miraculous naptime, my resolve was re-charged.  I will never forget it: January 12, 2011.  Sam heard the pressure cooker whizzing in the kitchen as I was putting her to sleep and she said, “Mommy’s cooking Sinigang! (traditional Filipino broth)“, a dish she loves.  So I told her to go to sleep and when she’d wake up she’d have some to eat.  Just like that she lay down, let me out the door, and in 15 minutes she was asleep.  That was the happiest cooking experience in my life.

After that, it was a few more weeks of sitting outside the door with the door open to “cook”.  The naps were easier to shift because she could clearly see me in the daytime, and I could call in a loud voice to her that I could see her getting out of bed via the monitor.  So she knew I was watching.  At night though, she would still insist I stay inside, especially since she could hear her Daddy in the living area moving about.  It would be an excuse to get up again.

Finally a few weeks ago with my deadline drawing closer (and those who know me will laugh), I kicked Daddy out of the house at night.  I told him to switch up his schedule such that he would be at the gym while I put Sam to sleep.  So he’d go and the whole house would be dark; the bedroom door would be open and I’d be outside “cooking”, as per Sam’s logic.

In a couple of days, it became routine.  Sam would get all her bed friends beside her, and then would say as she lay down, “Mommy will take a bath, and then Mommy will sit on the floor.  No…. Mommy will go outside and cook, and Mommy will leave the door open.  Bye Mom!”  I would do exactly that, and for as long as she didn’t hear the door click shut (I swear she has super baby hearing powers!), she could lie down in the dark and would fall asleep within minutes.

Yes — It CAN be done!  It’s not yet something that I can count on to happen consistently on a daily basis, especially on nights when she pulls out the Daddy Drama (“Want Daddy to sleep with you”, whimper whimper — and Daddy looks at me like he can’t say no!) but I’ll take what I can get.  I’m crossing my fingers that this “trend” continues even after Jamie is born (well then maybe that will be part 3 of the series when it happens!), because you never know what a new sibling will do to their self-confidence.  I did notice though, that when Dad is in the room, then it takes her much longer to settle down (although of course, Dad won’t believe me as he thinks it’s a ploy to keep him out of the room, but it’s the truth, so shows the monitor!).

LESSONS LEARNED

I am still learning.  The setbacks I admit are very discouraging.  There are nights when I still get stuck in the room and the crying starts up again (since we’ve let Dad stay at home at night again, and we know how he feels about crying, I do end up staying in the room).  It’s a constant test of patience and willpower.

With Sam I’ve learned that I have to mean what I say (well, in life isn’t that what we’re supposed to do?), because she hangs on every word.  If I say I’m going to be in the bathroom, then she won’t make a fuss for as long as I’m really in there.  If I try to sneak out, she can sense it and she gets up more often to check.  Building trust takes baby steps, literally speaking.

The other thing is gauging when delaying tactics are just that, or if they’re is something more.  If she’s sick I’m a little more lenient, but at the same time I’ve to be extra careful we don’t overdo it.

I should be happy with where we are.  It counts as an accomplishment, right?  I have regained some aspect of my evenings back and have hopefully planned enough ahead  that I can manage the sleep routines of two children, on top of everything else I have to do (I’m still hoping Jamie is an easier sleeper — that would be a bonus!).

The irony of it all would be if I lose more sleep trying to keep it all together!

We will revisit the Sleep-Training in a couple of months for Part 3, when I’ve somehow got a semblance of how life is with two children!  Who knows what will happen then!

March 12, 2011
by mymommyology
0 comments

Still Pregnant

My Mommyology Waiting to Give Birth

Tick tock tick tock tick tock... when will the waiting stop?

Saturday, March 12, 2011, 9:23PM.

Yesterday, Friday March 11 at 3:45PM, I went for my 40th week check-up and my Midwife said that I was 2cm dilated already and 50% effaced.  The baby had dropped slightly as of the week before so I was also measuring below previous.  Since I actually went from 0-6cm dilation in 6 hours with Sam, I was quite hopeful that I would jump much more quickly into active labor this time around.

Well — as you can see from the time stamp on this post — I wasn’t so lucky.  My Midwife says it’s also normal and I can go, even on my 2nd pregnancy, for even another week at 2cm.  Please, dear Lord, let that not be the case.  I would really like to give birth already.

We’ve already done two of the three things she prescribed at my check-up, which is to eat spicy foods and walk walk walk (Don’t ask what the 3rd item on her list was).  My Midwife says the impatience is a classic cure for any labor anxiety too — it’s like you just want to get it over with already.  That is somewhat true.

Since my status post on Facebook earlier this week about reaching 39 weeks, 4 days pregnant, everyone has been monitoring my progress, sending me messages or asking questions in all of two words — STILL PREGNANT?

So to everyone thinking of me and wondering if I am already in labor or have already given birth — thank you for doing so, for checking in and for keeping us in your thoughts.  We really appreciate it, and I do wish all your wishful thinking will move this baby forward (in this case, out and into my arms)!  Hopefully by calling it out like this as well, it will be a classic case of “speaking too soon” and I will magically go into labor tonight.

While I am grateful that my girls are healthy and strong, I still wonder why am I one of those mothers selected to carry to term and beyond.  The only reason I can think of is that both my daughters take after their father:  Always late, most of the time, just barely making it on time.  His relatives and our closest friends reading this will know exactly what I mean!

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