My Mommyology

Learning from Motherhood.

August 11, 2011
by mymommyology
13 Comments

The Art of Gift-Giving

My Mommyology Tiffany box

I don't want much. Hint hint! 😉

Tomorrow is my husband’s and my 6th year wedding anniversary (Really?!  Already?!  Note to Dad: If you are reading this and I’m sure you are even if you deny it to the highest heavens – consider this your gentle reminder. ;)).

My husband and I were best friends for half of our college days and have actually been dating for the past 12 years (Good LORD!).  You’d have to admit, after all the occasions it gets progressively hard to give each other gifts as the years go by.  Most husbands give their wives clothes, jewelry, shoes, flowers and chocolates and all that jazz…  but then again, my husband isn’t like “most” (and I think he prides himself in being so!).  He is what I would call, the practical gift-giver.  Everything has to be of good value, with a long-term purpose and most definitely, utilitarian.  In fond memory of all the years we’ve spent together, here are some examples for your amusement (see if anything on your list can top it!):

  • One Christmas before we were married I received a water heater as a present (Who gets a water heater from their boyfriend?!). And as an added bonus he even installed it himself!
My Mommyology Anniversary Gift

Haven't you heard, this was rated as part of the "top ten gifts to give your wife on your anniversary". 😉

  • Another birthday after that I received a TV system for my room.  I didn’t have one at the time and we were always trekking into the family room to watch shows when he’d come over to visit after work.  I thought, wow what a grand gift!  But then as it turned out, when we finally got married and moved into a place of our own, the TV came with us (and so did the shower heater, mind you).  He considered the gift an early investment on his part.  Smart thinking?  Forward planning?
  • For our anniversary two years ago he got me a dustbuster.  Yes, you read right.  It was so that I wouldn’t have to wait for him to vacuum every other week and I could easily clean up Sam’s little messes as they happened, he said.  Ergo, he was making me more efficient.
  • A few years ago for Valentine’s Day (note: he does not believe in Valentine’s Day.  I quote “Why celebrate when everyday with you is Valentine’s Day?!” — Ha!  Friends who know him and have heard him say this literally roll over laughing), I got an ID clip.  It had all these fancy hearts and pearls on it.  He made such a show of it by giving it to me at work, that our marketing assistant tried very hard to contain her bewildered, amused confusion.  Apparently there was a Valentine’s fair at his office and his colleague was selling these accessorized ID holders which she coerced him to buy as a show of support.  Well… it’s the thought that counts.

While I have received my share of beautiful bouquets, I can actually count the times with my fingers when he purchased them.  Last Valentine’s Day he came home from work with a single red rose much to my surprise (because as he says, he’s “trained” me not to expect anything on Valentine’s!).  He was so pleased with himself, until I asked, “So, were they giving out roses at the gym today?”  At which point he gave the obviously “guilty but trying to be innocent” look and ducked into the kitchen to smother his giggles.

There were of course the nice presents too such as getaway trips and even a few pieces of jewelry (Although I hear that I have my mother-in-law to thank for heavily encouraging him to get them for me!).  There were even the occasional “service gifts” of attempting to make my favorite Mango Crepe dessert, and allowing me to sleep in on Mother’s Day which I definitely enjoy; and lately those little acts of service are what I’ve come to look forward to the most!  Plus, they are technically free, so it’s a win-win situation!

Trust my husband to pull of such “unique” practical gift ideas and pass them off as sweet, thoughtful and charming.  It is a talent he has.  I can’t complain really.  It’s one way to keep our marriage interesting.  And after all he was probably only reading the fineprint from our vows (didn’t you see it in yours?):

“In free roses and ID clips, through water heaters and dustbusters, until winning lotto tickets do us part.”  Aha!  Now I know what comes next. 😉

Happy Anniversary Dad!  Keep putting the U in “FUN”. 😉

August 9, 2011
by mymommyology
2 Comments

More on Breastfeeding

Here’s another email request that I’d like to share.   Again, thank you so much to my friends and readers for wanting to hear my opinions on these things!

Happy Breastfeeding Awareness Month!

My Mommyology Breastfeeding Awareness

Source: http://thesoulmom.blogspot.com/

I’m currently breastfeeding my first baby but I’m planning to supplement because I’m worried the milk I produce isn’t enough.  My 4-week old baby is always crying, it’s like he’s never full.  He nurses almost every 2 hours and I don’t get any sleep in the wee hours of the morning.  What’s your advice?  Thank you and God Bless!

My Mommyology says…

First of all, congratulations on your first baby!  I can relate to what you’re going through because Sam was like that.  She would feed almost every hour, so I wouldn’t get any sleep either for the first month or so.  I feel that it is normal, since their stomachs are so small (I was once told that it’s the size of a golf ball at that age) and breastmilk is easily digested so they poop a lot of it out right away and empty their stomach.

If you want to increase your milk supply, you can check the post on Breastfeeding prior to this one as a reference.  Sometimes it takes a while to build the supply — with Sam I started to pump after a month and I could only produce 1 – 2 oz per pumping session.  Eventually as she got bigger the amount of milk I would pump increased as well.

My doula also told me that when babies are born, they come with an excess amount of Melatonin (the sleepy hormone), and they naturally lose it after about 2-3 weeks time.  Since they still don’t produce enough of their own and they don’t know how to self-soothe, it’s generally around this time as well that they’re awake more, even if they don’t want to be.

I’ll say it again, breastfeeding (especially if it’s your first time) is a painful process… but if you can push through the pain, it will be worth it!

Lastly although most importantly, take the advice of your pediatrician.  If he says he’s healthy and not losing weight, then maybe there might not be a need to supplement.  We were at the pediatrician’s office almost every week for the first 6 weeks of Sam’s life because I was concerned that she kept eating (and I wasn’t sleeping), but her charts showed she was steadily gaining weight, so they said there was no need to supplement her milk supply.

You will get the hang of it, I’m sure!  It takes time (to survive with minimal sleep — I am still trying!) but eventually it gets easier.  Good luck! 🙂  I hope that was helpful!

My Mommyology Breastmilk

Also known as... LIQUID GOLD! 🙂

If you feel you need to supplement, and would still like to supplement with breastmilk, you can check for a milk bank in your area and I’m sure that they can help you too. 🙂

August 6, 2011
by mymommyology
4 Comments

Walk the Walk

My Mommyology mom with Tattoo

Borrowed from http://www.mommaroo.com

I came across this article on Babble.com about tattoos on moms just as my husband re-discovered NY Ink on TV (I think it used to be called LA Ink, but the grouped move shop to New York or something like that).  I talk about it because it is one of the many “hypothetical discussions” we have on what we would allow or not allow our kids to do (At least until they are 40 and can live on their own, he says.  I know he’s kidding, but I half think he’s serious! 😉 ).  We have a lot of these little conversations, from mundane and supposedly harmless things like sleepovers, money matters and clothes, all the way down to the controversial heavier topics of boyfriends (Now I know why they say it’s harder for Dads to have girls than boys!), smoking, drugs, marriage, etc.

It’s always easier to throw words at them about “shouldn’t do this…” and “not allowed to do that…“, but then again how credible will you be if you don’t follow your own advice, or  make yourself an exception when you feel that it suits you?

So our general guiding principle is that you only get a “say” as a parent if you don’t do it yourself.  Talk the talk, then walk the walk.  It’s probably the most honest one can be with their kids, without setting a double-standard (Why can’t I do it buy my mom or dad can?)

It is HARD, if you think about it.  And I’m not saying I’ve mastered this at all!  We are in fact quite far from it, but are learning through the small everyday things, like saying no one gets cookies before dinner (just as my husband wide-eyed, is caught with his had in the cookie tupperware).  Even in disciplining, we don’t do unto them what we don’t want them to do onto others… as much as possible.

So it may be easier now, but then what happens down the road when it comes to the bigger, more controversial things that one may have done before?  (I will leave it there and not use my past as an example as I know my mom and my mother-in-law read this blog!  Don’t worry moms – I was a good kid… most of the time! ;))

What about “mistakes” you’ve done in the past that they ask you about?  I’ve to think about that one.  Maybe, if asked or confronted, then I will admit to making the mistake in the hopes that they will avoid it in their future.  I feel though that if I can find a nice honest yet highly evasive answer then I may just take that route in the end!

Thinking about it all makes this age of innocence so much simpler and fun.  How I wish it could last forever!

August 4, 2011
by mymommyology
9 Comments

Breastfeeding Again

My Mommyology Blushing, Flattered

This actually looks like me! 😉

I wanted to share an exchange an old friend of mine and I had a couple of weeks ago.  She is currently pregnant with her second baby and had some questions on breastfeeding.  While I am no lactation consultant or an expert in any way on this topic, nor do I claim to be, I felt that maybe somehow sharing this can help others in similar situations as well.

As with all other parts on this blog, feel free to collect, select and reject as you deem fit for your specific situation.  That said, I will have to admit I am still flattered that other moms out there would like to hear my opinion.  So thank you for that!

In the interest of privacy, names not already mentioned in this blog have been left out.

My Friend:  I was wondering how you manage to fully breastfeed, especially now that you have Sam to take care of.  I actually don’t know how or where to start, because with my firstborn, So many things happened in his 1st month and in the end I wasn’t able to fully breastfeed him, so I resorted to mixed feeding instead.  I was heartbroken because I really wanted to breastfeed him.  Now with this baby I want to try again, but I don’t know what to do or how to start.  Can you give me tips on pumping, which side to start on and the like?  Thank you!

My Mommyology (in my limited experience and humble opinion):

First of all I think it begins with the commitment to do it, above all else.  Breastfeeding takes priority over dishes, laundry, or sometimes even sleep (I don’t sleep until after I’m able to pump milk, regardless of what time it is).   I made that clear to everyone, especially Sam and so far thankfully, she understands its importance.  From the very beginning, anytime Jamie needed to nurse, playtime would stop.  Of course I let her be curious and stay beside me or join in the cuddle, just to make her feel included and involved.

A tip from the midwives:  Keep a basket of stickers, toys or snacks that are ONLY for when you breastfeed, so that the older child knows how special and important it is.

Also in the first three weeks building supply was critical.  I was encouraged to feed both girls directly from me, and introduce the bottle after the third week only (If I really wanted to).  With Jamie, I was able to start pumping though after my 2nd week, but I would really only pump to “trick” my body into producing more (Also, I was worried I’d get sick and wouldn’t be able to feed, so I built a frozen stash in the freezer that falls on my husband whenever he opens it). 

I would start feeding on one side (say the left first) for at least 15 minutes, massaging around the area all the way from under the armpits forward.  After she’d burp, I’d put her on the other side (the right) for hopefully another 15 minutes.  Otherwise, I’d drain the right side with the pump.  On the next feeding, I start with the right and do the same thing all over again.

It’s important not to get discouraged when you pump and see very little milk come out.  For me, I had to keep at it, and fight through the pain, and eventually a steady flow would come each time.  You don’t necessarily need to pump all the time, but draining milk regularly will signal your body to produce more.

My Mommyology Malunggay Supplements

Pro-Lacta is the brand I use. Depending on your supply, you can take up to 3 300mg a day, but better consult with your OB!

Other things that helped build milk supply were the daily intake of malunggay (Or Moringa) supplements, eating meals with clear soup and lots of rice (it doesn’t help the figure, but oh well) and drinking more than 8 glasses of water a day.

Some people schedule the feedings and “force feed” their babies to regulate milk production, but I’d have to say that didn’t work with Jamie!  She was more of an on-demand feeder so my milk supply was up and down for awhile, and I had to pump out as much as I could.

My friend The Painter’s Wife has several articles on her website on breastfeeding and is also promoting an on-going campaign in Manila called LATCH.

At the end of the day, after all that’s said and done, I will say this:  if you end up having to mix-feed or formula-feed in spite of all your best efforts, especially with a toddler by your side, then there’s nothing wrong with that either (In my humble opinion at least.  I had to say it, because I feel it’s not said enough).  A lot of babies turn out perfectly fine either way!

If you have any additional tips and advice that you’d like to share for others to learn from, please feel free to do so!  

August 2, 2011
by mymommyology
6 Comments

The Ken Doll

We were at Toys R’ Us the other weekend and as Sam was going about her usual rounds with the toys (We take her there just to play with the toys on display.  My husband says it keeps her from wanting to bring it all home –  his money-saving tactic), I took Jamie and mosey-ed over to the girls area where I love to look at girls’ toys.  Yes, I am dreaming up their Christmas list and will write out their letters to Santa (aka – Dad).

I was horrified to see this at the very center of the aisle display:

My Mommyology Ken Display

Good God.

I am no feminist, but… what does this teach our girls?!  Whatever happened to marketing and advertising Barbie and her wonderful world of glitz and fashion and all that jazz?!?!  Why does she suddenly need an “ultimate dream date?!”  Yes yes, I know that Ken has always been there since I was playing Barbie; and I would pair them off to be “boyfriend-girlfriend” at the age of 7.  Plus I can understand from a business perspective, that promoting Ken may just be the way to grow (How many Barbie dolls, clothes and accessories can one girl have after all?  At one point you just have to stop buying it for them right?!).  But I just feel… it’s so blatant now.  It never used to be, and I remember I would play Barbie dollhouse with my cousin everyday and between us we’d really only have one Ken Doll.  It was all about Barbie dressing up, getting in her car, having fun with her friends, and maybe… MAYBE! marrying Ken in the end.  Or they’d go out to dinner at the very least.  But it didn’t always happen and Barbie had her life and she was fine!

I’m trying to put a finger on why I feel so mortified.  Maybe because the message I’m getting is “girl needs boy to be happy”, when I wouldn’t want to say that to either of my girls.  I talked about self-esteem in a previous post, and to me this just doesn’t help build towards that goal.  I believe that young girls should be sent the message that they can be (and should be!) happy and feel “complete” with themselves first, and that the “Ken” in their life is just another whole later on.

On the other hand, why does he have to be positioned that way as well?  Granted that girls will play with him and dress him up, but can he not be seen as such a ladies’ man?  It’s kind of scary.

I don’t know, but I am bothered.  Am I being too prudish or conservative?  Am I over-analyzing?  Am I putting too many issues behind a simple Ken Doll?

If you were in my shoes, with two little, highly impressionable girls to raise — would this ad encourage you to buy them a Ken doll (and all his metrosexual fashion accessories)?

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