My Mommyology

October 19, 2011
by mymommyology
2 Comments

The Brave, The Fearless, and The Mothers

I distinctly remember a story my husband told me about a text exchange he had with my mom a few years ago. We were still dating and were about to go on a South American trip that culminated in diving in the tumultuous (yet extremely diverse) Galapagos Islands. First, picture my mother who faints at the sight of an injection going through my skin (It was so bad, the doctor had to give her MY lollipop!). Then think about me telling her how excited I was to be wearing 5-inch thick wetsuits (I looked like a Teletubby I kid you not), swimming extremely strong currents, chasing after Hammerhead sharks and possibly schools of fish my size. On top of which, we were going to live aboard a boat with a bunch of strangers for a week in not-so-friendly sea faring conditions. We were “traveling the world” – yes, it was the phrase I used – hopping from Brazil to Buenos Aires, Santiago Chile and then finally to Ecuador, all in three weeks. In retrospect, it’s amazing she was still standing after that conversation.

At the airport while we checked our bags, my husband (then boyfriend) says that my mom sent him a text message wishing us a safe flight and to please not be so adventurous on our adventures (read: please don’t throw caution and my daughter to the winds). He said he replied by saying thank you for allowing me to go on this trip. At which point she replied, “I had no choice. Wild horses wouldn’t stop her.”

Years later, on yet another “adventure trip”, my husband and I went diving in Australia’s Great Barrier Reefs and visited the beautiful (BEAUTIFUL!) country of New Zealand where I decided to bungee jump off a 434ft high bridge hanging over a ravine. I came home and proudly showed the video to my mom who again thankfully, did not die of a heart-attack on the spot.

Now as the Teletubby diver and the bungee jumper, I could not understand how my mom could not share my excitement and thrill for the once-in-a-lifetime experience (side note: Haunted Houses and the like are not in my adventure repertoire). It was fun, it was safe… what’s not to love about it all?

I fast forward into the present where as clichés and karmas would have it, I am now the mother of a little 3-year old daredevil in the making.

Me: Stop waving HOLD TIGHT! HOLD!!!!

In our most recent trip to Busch Gardens Florida, Sam was absolutely fascinated by the roller coasters. She repeatedly said, “I want to ride that one Mom!” Again because of her reading abilities, she would pick the rides that she wanted to go on and, a lot of it involved airplanes and gliders and all those contraptions that lift my darling baby into the air off the safety of the ground. Her daddy of course was all about the experience and kept telling me to let her go; but I surprisingly found myself buckling and triple-checking to see if it was safe. At one point I froze right after I strapped her in 4 times, that the ride attendant had to wave her hands in front of me and shoo me out so she could start the ride. I tell you, I have never read so many ride guidelines in all my life.

Sam, we think, was born without fear. She scales the bounce house ladders alongside kids twice her size and she does it all by herself. Thinking back at those times that I let her, I can’t help but shudder; if she had fallen, she could have easily been trampled on, and it would have been a long, long fall… ugh! I can’t seem to let go of her hand near bodies of water either, because she will not wait for me before running straight into a wave that is about to crash over her head. And while most toddlers would gasp up in fear and be traumatized by the experience, Sam welcomes it and thinks it is fun. It is quite ironic if you think about how she shies away from attention, yet has absolutely no fear when it comes to these things.

A quick reflection presents me, freaking out enough to cause heart palpitations, light headedness and sweaty palms. I tell you this no-fear thing does not do wonders for my “aging gracefully” process. What happened to me? The me who wasn’t afraid of heights, who wasn’t afraid to try something new and exciting, who loved the thrill of adventure?

Motherhood does do that to you huh? And while I can genuinely say I want my daughters to experience whatever it is the world (or Busch Gardens) has to offer them, I instinctively feel that protective pang that wants me to hold onto them forever, just so that they don’t fall or get hurt to say the least.

Then again, it is one of those things where there is only so much I can do. Particularly at Sam’s age, she is expressing her desire to do things “by herself” without my help whatsoever. This sends me on a roller coaster of emotions. I want to be there to see it all and be a part of the fun, but it is hard to just stand back and watch. Yet sometimes, I can’t let my fear get in the way and I know that she has to learn it on her own, so all I can do is stand back and watch. It is bittersweet when she doesn’t even look back. It’s good practice I suppose, and God knows with the way things look, I am going to need a lot of it!

A part of me says go, but the other part says COME BACK!!!! (sniff!)

Click on the image to view the actual rope bridge crossing.

October 15, 2011
by mymommyology
3 Comments

A Different Kind of Busy

… And we’re back! Somewhat. 🙂

Thank you for letting me take a “nap”. I feel much better now although still not quite my usual self. In any case, the show must go on and a nap is really all I have time for (considering I already feel as if I’m always chasing after time with my never-ending list of to do’s!).

Such a beautiful day!

So what’s been going on with us? We’ve just gotten into the swing of October and it already has been quite a hectic month. There are so many fall / halloween / pre-winter activities planned on top of the usual daily schedule the girls and I are on. We are also outdoors a lot more now that the weather is beautiful and it’s neither too hot nor too cold to take the girls for a stroller ride. I’d have to say I’m quite in love with the fall weather. It is by far my favorite time of the year.

It is also that time of year when I begin to plan Sam’s birthday. No matter how simple we try to keep it, I realize now that it takes up a lot of time to actually go through the options and think up ideas as to how to make the actual day and the party that she wants perfect and memorable for her. I’m quite excited for this one, so watch out for it coming soon!

Visit us at http://www.yourbrandstory.biz

Yet I think the biggest reason as to why all of a sudden I feel that things have suddenly gotten so busy, is because I have been working a whole lot more this last month since before I gave birth. My business partner and best friend OCMominmanila has just given birth to her second beautiful little girl, so it is her turn to go on maternity leave and I am trying to help hold down the fort as best as I can from here. That leaves me with very little time to sleep (seeing as we are on a 12-hour time difference) and again I am chasing after so many unread emails a day. It is a good thing (re-phrase: a GREAT THING!) that we have such competent and reliable people on the ground that they are still able to manage everything going on.

Strangely enough (and maybe even crazily enough), I can’t complain. I guess I feel that it’s nice to be busy and have my mind working on something productive that is not child-related. I feel a little bit rusty and a tad bit slow; I used to be able to speed through my full inbox in a day and send quick replies, but now I find that I have a lot of interruptions that I can’t ignore – babies and toddlers included. It forces me to be as efficient as possible and pick out the urgent items from my list of to do’s and focus on those. So I am also learning how to manage my time as I go along.

I do like being “back at work” and being busy (not related to chores or errands). I’m glad I have the privilege to “work-from-home-on-a-different-time-zone”. Many moms I know would have to make a choice and since I’ve been grappling with the idea for years now on a daily basis (do I work more or spend more time with my kids?), I am glad that at least for the moment, that hard choice is postponed indefinitely. I can’t imagine being away from my girls for a full day at work, and yet a part of me feels like I need — and want — to work even just a little bit. For now, this might actually be the most ideal compromise.

October 13, 2011
by mymommyology
2 Comments

Catchin’ Some Z’s

My time, my mind and my body have recently given way, after a series of several hectic and sleep-deprived days and nights. Yes, the inevitable has happened and after over a year of pushing myself to my physical limits, I have finally gotten sick. It happened at the most opportune time too; while we were on a family weekend vacation out of Chapel Hill, and during a busy week back at the “virtual office”. Somehow the “ber” months always come with a flurry of activities on all fronts. Of course this is all over and above the upkeep of our daily routine schedule amidst the inconsistent weather patterns of hot, cold, nice, wet and/or muggy. When it rains, it pours.

There will be more stories related to everything that has been mentioned above (and trust me when I say that my drafts list has grown longer by the day); but in the meantime, I ask you to bear with me as I take a quick — yet much needed — power nap and re-charge.

Sweet dreams y’all! See you in a few! 😉

Just a quick one. Then we'll be right as rain. 🙂

October 7, 2011
by mymommyology
6 Comments

Just Us Girls

On a regular basis for most of the day, it really is just me and the two girls. My husband gets off work at about 6pm, and from then on there are an extra pair of hands on deck to help out with what remains of the day and the bedtime routine. Sometimes he works late, or sometimes he gets home but is still working on a sale; but nonetheless the girls get to see bits of their daddy within a 24-hour time span. He always worries about leaving me alone for very long with them; with the thinking that it’s always better to have a “1 is to 1” ratio, particularly at night (What happens if they both wake up crying? — not to say it hasn’t happened during the day while he was at work. ;)).

Then a few weeks ago, my husband took his first business trip out of Chapel Hill. He was just gone for one night, but of course it was a first for all of us since before Jamie was born.

Surprisingly I wasn’t worried or nervous at all. Our day went on as it normally would; Sam was in pre-school, Jamie and I ran errands, and then we came home and the girls took their nap. Afterwards, we had one of our playdates, then went straight into dinner and then to our bedtime routine. We were even able to sneak in some quality playtime (I made an exception that night and we had a pizza picnic in the playroom).

A glimpse at our girls' night! 🙂

Sam did look for her daddy more than once but we got him on the phone before his flight out and so she was still able to talk to him and say goodnight. They say that at Sam’s age, kids still don’t have an accurate concept of time, so up until I told her Daddy wasn’t going to sleep with us that night, she still assumed she would see him eventually. She didn’t cry though, which is a good thing; I feel she trusts that no matter what her dad will come back to be with her before she knows it.

In the end, the girls went to bed an hour earlier than usual (Daddy likes to play with the JUST before they get to bed. He also is a constant victim of the magical delaying tactics), and I had a pleasant amount of time for myself to complete the chores of the day and get some work done.

I was comparing notes with some of the moms in Sam’s playgroups and they too were surprised at how easy things were when their husbands would leave them with the kids for a night or two. It is ironic if you think about it because two adults should be more handy than one. Maybe the kids can sense that there isn’t going to be another adult and so they are instinctively more cooperative. Maybe it’s because as the caregiver in the household, there is one less person for us to worry about, even if it is another adult and not another child (Although if you think about it, husbands can sometimes be children too!). It could also be because you don’t have to compromise your way of doing things with the kids to accommodate the role and opinion of another person in the house who actually has an equal say in how things should be done. Even if Dads here in the states work most days, they are more hands-on than I’ve ever seen them to be in Manila, and so they too weigh in more with respect to the day-to-day operations of the house and the kids.

Most likely it is a combination of all of the above and more. Yet even if it could be easier, it’s just not the same eh? We do need to have Daddy around to get used to caring for them as well, so that we can inject tiny bits of “me-time” into the routine! Plus of course, Dad brings out a different side of the kids that they don’t show with just mom. For us, while the girls and I enjoy our time together day in and day out, you can tell they tire of me, and would also want to be around their daddy. As Sam says, “it’s more fun when Daddy-bear is around.” 🙂

Side note: Here are some articles I’ve found on the importance of Dad’s presence in raising girls.

Dads influence who their daughters find attractive

Dads influence on his daughter, by Joe Kelly

Ten reasons why dads matter