My Mommyology

Learning from Motherhood.

June 24, 2011
by mymommyology
2 Comments

The Days of Summer Camp

We are on the last day of Sam’s first week at Summer Camp and already I’m exhausted.  One of the parents I talked to  said that you’d think during the summer with all these camps lined up for the kids, you’d have some time to breathe.

Ay.  Think again!

My Mommyology Summer Camp

It is camp for the parents as much as it is for the toddler.

Sam’s pre-school set up themed weekly summer camp sessions, and we signed her up for four of them — Cooking, Water play, Denise Fleming week and Ooey-gooey (I have no idea what that entails).  She is in camp everyday from 9:00 – 12:45PM, all packed with her lunch, milk, a water thermos, sunblock, insect repellant, and a change of clothes.

On the one hand, I feel it’s a great decision because:

  • We solved the initial problem of sitting down to lunch with her friends and she is learning to eat more independently as the days go along;
  • When I take her home, she is extremely exhausted so sleep comes easy – both for naptime and bedtime!  It’s amazing, I walk out of the room and in two minutes’ time she’s snoring her way into dreamland.  I love it!
  • The additional 45 minutes she spends in school makes for good breathing space.  Jamie, once fed and changed will sleep for a majority of the time as the apartment is peaceful with no older sister to wake her, so I am able to get things done more efficiently and can sit down (for a heavenly 10 minutes) to just do nothing.  The other day Jamie and I were able to go for a brisk walk as well, which is good exercise for me!  Best of all;
  • Sam looks forward to camp because she and her best friend Elie get to play together everyday.  The teachers always tell us (me and Elie’s mom Helene) that the girls are in a world of their own because they play so well together.  In fact, Sam calls her camp, “Camp with Elie”.

But I will say that camp for Sam is camp for me as well, and 4 days into the first one (cooking), I will admit that I am spent.  On one hand, her pre-school is located in the same building as the Jewish Synagogue, and so there are a lot of restrictions as to what they can bring in for lunch.  We can’t even ask them to heat the food in their microwave, and Sam is used to hot lunches at home.  I’ve had to be creative in what I send, and I use the night before to “cook” something and heat it in the morning right before we leave so that it is at least room temperature by the time she gets to it.  I also have to make sure that it’s something she’ll eat, so that she doesn’t come home hungry, and delay her much-needed nap.

My Mommyology Playing in Mulch

Who's child is this?! My condolences to your washer.

What really makes it tiring is that everyday after camp, Sam comes home extremely dirty — to put it mildly.  Apart from the heat, sweat and stickiness, Helene and I are told that both our girls like to roll in the sand and play in the mulch (Part of their bonding ritual I guess!).  Now I did not really grasp the concept of mulch until I saw it all in Sam’s hair (And to my horror, after I hugged Sam when I picked her up, she headed straight for my clean little Jamie and gave her a big dirty hug!).  I have to give her a bath in the middle of the day, right before her nap.  When she wakes up, there’s no guarantee that she will stay clean either, so sometimes she takes a 2nd bath before going to bed.  So apart from cleaning her off, I have an increasing pile of laundry, and half the sandbox in her shoes.  To think that they’re only doing cooking now — so I worry about the Ooey-Gooey theme.

I do miss having Sam around all week, and I know she misses me.  Sometimes it’s hard to get her out the door in the morning because she’d rather “stay home with Mommy and Jamie.”  But the minute we get over that hurdle and are in the car on our way to camp, she is excited and even forgets to say goodbye.  When she comes back to me she feels so proud and accomplished that she was able to “cook” and be with her friends.  So all in all I’d stick with camp!

For the next two weeks, we’ll be out of camp and don’t have much lined up until the next one (Water Exploration is the next theme, so hopefully that will be easy on the cleaning!), and that poses a challenge to me to find ways and means to keep her stimulated and entertained.  Hmmm…

Now it makes me think that summer is just exhausting over-all!

June 21, 2011
by mymommyology
0 comments

In Coughs and Colds, Spit-ups and Stomach Bugs, Through Bumps and Bruises…

I follow a blog called Domestic Wrecks.  One of its authors is a good friend (and once upon a time she got me to contribute to her blog) – and I love the honesty of the blog.  Who doesn’t have their share of domestic wrecks anyway?

As I was writing this, I came across their most recent post called Bear-Phobia.  I almost just re-posted the entire blog here because I think the main message was the same thought I had in my head.

My Mommyology Sick or Hurt Child

Don't you wish you could take it from them and let it be you instead?

There is nothing in the world that will prepare you for a sick, or physically hurt, child.  And as a mother I think you will never stop worrying about your child and what could (or couldn’t) happen to them.  I loved the line in the blog, “at least when they’re with me, I can protect them or die trying“, because I do think along those lines more often than not.  I feel compelled to have them both within sight and arm’s reach at all times.  Ironically though, I can’t.

It’s really heartbreaking to have one of your babies get hurt.  Each time Sam trips or falls, or her fingers get caught in some door no matter how small, my heart skips a beat and I lose a few minutes of my life.  You know how the internet has all these “calculators” to compute for your life expectancy given your history and lifestyle?  They should add a portion about the stress or worry caused by injuries and illnesses your children suffer.

My immediate thought is always, what could I have done to prevent this?  How is this my fault?  It seems masochistic, I know — because these things will happen beyond your control.  But it’s something I’m learning.  Slowly.  I am that over-protective mother.

Recently a few nights ago, Jamie fell off the bed (note: she is 3 months old).  She sleeps beside me and for whatever reason she must have squirmed and rolled off her pillow.  I heard a thud and a cry, and of course my heard jumped out of my throat in the nano-second I realized what had happened.  She was in my arms almost instantaneously, and she cried for all of 5 seconds before going back to sleep.  It took two hours after that for me to fall asleep again, and I held her in my arms the rest of the time.  She is fine of course, but I am scarred for life!

It’s funny how motherhood does change you and make you worry more.   The worst part is to show them that you’re not panicking, because it will aggravate the situation and make it seem worse than it really is.  When Sam’s teachers called me one time to tell me she dove off the bouncy house onto the cement floor, I had to take deep breaths before showing my face to her.  There was a little egg on her forehead and she was crying, (and I wanted to cry too believe me), but I had to stay calm, say it was going to be alright.  Again, she was fine — but I swear I didn’t want to let her on another bouncy house ever again!

My Mommyology Band-aid Heart

If I had a band-aid for my heart for every little bump, bruise, cough and cold...

The thing is, you can’t prevent them from happening.  It’s part of life, isn’t it?  No matter how many times it happens there’s really no getting used to it.  And yet you have to weather it as well.  Maybe when you have a child, a part of the birthing ritual should be for you to say your vows as a mother, “In Bumps and Bruises, In Slips and Illnesses, Through all kinds of heart-ache and life adventures….”  Is there a mother that doesn’t worry about their children, no matter how young or old they are?

I know that this is only the beginning.  There will be more things we will go through as the girls get older, for sure.  I do tell myself that what doesn’t kill them will only make them stronger (and hopefully make me stronger too!), and I pray and pray and pray, more fervently than ever before, that they always always be kept safe and healthy and protected.  Amen!

June 18, 2011
by mymommyology
1 Comment

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother: A My Mommyology Book Review

My Mommyoogy Battle Hymn Review

An interesting read, if anything else (cheaper on iBooks vs its Hardcover counterpart)

Now here’s a classic case of judging the book (and the mother) by its cover.

The first I heard of Amy Chua’s book was when I read the excerpt on WSJ.com a few months back.  Of course those few pages alone were enough to make me dismiss her as one of those harsh, old school kind of mothers (Actually thinking back to Joy Luck Club, “Chinese Mother” is the right term for it).

And then a few weeks ago my best friend encouraged me to read it.

I finished it in 2 days.  Considering that on a daily basis I hardly have time to brush my hair and much less pee, I managed to find time to devour it, as my husband says.

And I conclude:  she’s not as bad as I thought she was.  Controversial, and somewhat extreme, yes.  But really just another mother raising her children in the best way she knew how.  Surprisingly I could relate, both as a daughter and as a mother.

I grew up with very strict grandparents, and I wasn’t allowed to attend sleepovers (unless they were held in my house).  I wasn’t pushed to get straight A’s, but every time I brought home a grade less than above average, or I’d come home with a bronze medal or a silver one, my Mama Mia would always say, “Good.  But you can do better next time.”  I still was praised, but I was also reminded that more was expected of me.

I also played the piano and had a good teacher — but she had that kind of temper that would drive you up the wall or in tears.  If I couldn’t get a section right, we’d go over it again and again for as long as it took (and would sometimes use harsh words to try to whip me into shape).  I don’t play anymore (except for Sam’s toy piano), and now that I think about it I didn’t want to go back to her.  At 15, I felt it was too much pressure.  So I can understand Luisa’s conflicting feelings for rebelling against her mother and the violin, but at the same time missing it.

There is one review on the book which says readers gasp in envy —  that’s true too!  I did.  I once fantasized playing in Carnegie Hall, and reading about how she got her eldest daughter to do so only made me think:  if only someone had pushed harder, then maybe right?  Maybe.

Then again, maybe it’s not about pushing, it’s about finding the proper motivators.  While I do relate to her struggle and her desire to maximize the potential in each of her children, I did feel that calling them a disgrace was a little over the top.  I think that’s what makes a lot of people judge her and her book badly; she could have used kinder alternatives if she was only open to them.  There’s also no telling as to whether or not the other methods would have achieved the same results.

At the same time, I can already see myself being very firm and strict with Sam.  I’ve been teaching her to finish what she started, to clean up one set of toys before she can get to another, and to talk properly or say things clearly when she reads.  I would love it if she took an interest in an instrument or a form of art (dancing, painting, etc), and I will definitely support it and encourage it (and study it so I know what we’re getting into).  We will definitely aim to find an interest and hone it to the best of our abilities.  I believe playing an instrument or dancing ballet, or being good at a sport is essential to her long-term growth.  After all, mother knows best right? (Oh don’t all mothers say that!  Haha!)

I think that I do “push”, but I motivate positively.  I have to be creative at times, and reward and negotiate, as it is all part of it.  She is as strong-willed as I was when I was a child (so says my mom), so I do have my work cut out for me.  And I’ve had my fair share of arguments with my husband as to how firm we should be or what she is able to do at her age.  It hasn’t been easy, but the results in the end are rewarding (like Sam’s sleep-training and potty-training!).

How it will go with Jamie, that remains to be seen.  Definitely though, we shall not expect anything less. 😉

There definitely is a Tiger Mother in every one of us, it’s just the degree and the intensity that varies.   If the book  as a whole doesn’t strike you, choice parts of it will.  Her stories will resonate with each reader who may have experienced similar situations with their own children, whether or not it’s something they’ve done, believed in, thought about doing but never did.  You can choose to agree and disagree with it, but at the end of the day, we have to admit:  parenting is a challenge!  As we’ve said from the beginning of this blog, we can only do the best that we can, in the way we know how.

June 17, 2011
by mymommyology
6 Comments

Water is the Answer to Transition Anxiety

At the onset of any new activity, Sam tends to hold back being more of the observant/shy kind than the kind that jumps straight into the thick of things.  She’s always sought the comfort of my lap and stayed there until she felt confident enough to venture out on her own.  If she was abruptly brought into a new situation where I wasn’t there, it would most likely end in tears.  That’s why we had to discontinue the  lunch in school with her friends, because her teachers would call me 15 minutes into it, saying she was crying inconsolably looking for me.  It helped that with her current school, the first week of class was dedicated to what they called staggered entry, where the parents were allowed to stay for a given amount of time in the classroom, and decrease it slowly throughout the week until the kids could be left for the entire half day.

However this coming school year, we decided to move Sam to the Montessori Academy, which is actually right next door to her current school (I will go ahead and say that there was nothing wrong with her current school to begin with.  In fact I would still recommend it to people in a heartbeat.  But we did look at other schools and opted for the Montessori Academy because we just felt that over-all it fit Sam’s changing needs best for now).  So you can imagine I started to worry again about the initial shyness hurdle (The Montessori Academy doesn’t have the staggered entry strategy).

Raising this concern with the Program Directors, they offered a “transition day” for Sam to get acquainted with some of the children in her class as well as her future teacher.  The intention was to familiarize herself so that when her actual school would start in August, then there wouldn’t be a hitch.

My Mommyology Water Baby

This is Sam at 18-months, running purposefully, full force into a sprinkler at the Florida Zoo.

Now I will have you know that Sam is a water baby.  She absolutely LOVES the water, and has absolutely no fear about entering or jumping into a pool with or without any floaters on her  (Not so good for my wrinkles and worry lines).  So when they mentioned that Wednesday would be a water day at school, I immediately picked it to be THE day.

I prepped her about her new school, made her practice saying that she needed to go to the potty so she could tell her teacher, and I had her pick out her packed snack and lunch.  I think I was more nervous than she was because I lost sleep the night before, and she didn’t.

That morning dressed in her water gear and smelling like sunblock, I brought her to school.  When we entered the classroom Cathy the teacher immediately told the kids to welcome Samantha, and I could see she took a step back (she hates being the center of attention).  I held my breath, but somehow persisted and told her to sit and sing with them while I turned over her things to the teaching assistant and fixed the paperwork.  I then said goodbye and told her I’d be back for her later, and left while Cathy was busying her with some of the educational toys they had.  She was too distracted that she hardly waved goodbye, but at least she didn’t run after me or whimper.  The Directors assured me they would call if she started to cry and wanted me back, but otherwise I said she could stay for the entire three and a half hours if no problems occurred.

I must have held my breath for the entire 3.5 hours because I was dizzy and lightheaded the rest of the day, but surprisingly — and thankfully — I didn’t get a call.  In fact I ended up calling them, thinking that maybe they forgot about me, and was relieved to hear that she was “having a blast“.

When I arrived at 12nn I found her comfortably running around and playing with her new friends, and when she saw me she didn’t want to leave.  They said she easily and immediately assimilated herself with the other kids and thoroughly enjoyed their water activity.  She ate all her food and went to the bathroom without a hitch.  And when I finally was able to pull her away saying that we needed to go home, she waved goodbye like she’d known them for ages.  “I had fun mom”, was what she said to me when we walked out.  “I want to go back to Montessori mom!”

Whew!

My Mommyology Splashing in Montessori

Who said anything about needing to warm up? (Photo courtesy of MACH)

Later that day I got the pictures from the water activity — proof that Sam didn’t hesitate to participate.

Maybe she’s older and knows better.  Maybe it’s the same building (just a different room and a different teacher) and therefore somewhat familiar.  Maybe it was all the prepping, or maybe it was the teacher — or all of the above.  They all contributed to the day’s success.  But really without a doubt in my mind, I’d say we had her at “splash day”!

When the Program Directors offered me another transition day, the first question out of my mouth was “When will the pool and the water slide be out again?”

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